He's Yours
by LittlePinkHouses
Summary: A series of fics, in which Kurt and Finn find themselves in love with each other despite every complication in the book. Unrequited Finn/Kurt, eventual Finn/Kurt, Blaine/Kurt, Finn/Quinn & hints of Finn/Rachel. Not completly M, but too high for T.
1. Backbones

Warnings: this chapter has spoilers for 2x20 - Prom Queen.

Enjoy!

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><p>"I have done everything right. Now, Blaine I understand that after what you're been through, you're worried but prom is about joy, not about fear so I am wearing this suit. I worked hard on it and I think that it's fantastic and if you don't want to join me I completely understand," Kurt walked out leaving Blaine staring at the spot he was previously standing.<p>

The room fell into a sudden and growingly awkward silence, everyone was used to Kurt standing up for himself – yes – but it always managed to leave behind a trace of speechlessness in the others of the room. Blaine sighed and rubbed at him temples while Burt looked at his hands before picking up the newspaper and shaking it into shape. Finn felt Blaine shift beside him, making to stand to his feet.

"I'll go talk to him, dude," said Finn, quietly and patting Blaine on the shoulder as he nodded in thanks.

"Thank you," Blaine spoke almost too low for Finn or Burt to hear over the sounds and cheers booming from the game.

Finn bounced up the stairs almost too happily trying so very carefully as not to spill his warm milk on the stairs. Kurt had already told him off for spilling it all the way through the house that one time when Kurt slipped and gained an awkward bruise on his elbow that never seemed to fade. He was held accountable for Kurt's lack in short sleeved tops. Finn took a quick slurp of his milk before hesitantly knocking on Kurt's bedroom door. He'd learnt to knock when he walked in on him doing something from one of those pamphlets that Burt insisted on bringing back every month from the free clinic and Finn could happily and easily say that that was one thing he'd rather not walk in on again.

"Go away."

"Kurt?" Finn prompted.

"I said: go away."

"Dude, come on it's only me," Finn spoke softly and hoped it would reach Kurt through the thick wooden door.

"Please, Finn. I said go away." There was a sniffle and a ruffle of something on the other side of the door however, being Finn, he decided to ignore it all and push the door open.

He stood under the doorframe and glanced at Kurt before seeing his jacket and vest thrown on the floor, along with his boots strewn randomly at the end of his bed. He was lying on his back, his shirt undone and hanging out of the kilt. Kurt's left arm was draped over his eyes, his nose buried in the crook of his elbow and his right arm was lying across his stomach rising with every sob and hitch of breath. Finn sighed sadly and shuffled forward, shutting the door behind him and slipping off his shoes. As he strode over to the bed quietly he pulled his blue striped tee off and threw it next to Kurt's jacket then proceeded to unbuckle his belt and slipped off his jeans. Kurt looked up at the sound of metal clanking and smiled, sitting up he shrugged his white shirt off and unbuckled the two clasps of his kilt. Finn's mouth broke out into a sweet smile whenever he saw Kurt's face light up like that and settled on the bed next to him. It didn't take long until Kurt snuggled up to him and rested his head on Finn's soft chest after removing his kilt.

They had done this a lot and the more they did the harder it became to explain it – explain it to themselves and to each other. Nevertheless they'd somehow always find their way into one another's beds, clad in only boxers and snuggling and cuddling the pain away. Finn tried convincing himself that this is what step-brothers do but he knew, in his heart – in his god damn fast beating heart – that this wasn't what step-brothers did. Or brothers or two friends who were guys did. Kurt knew this too, he knew it more than Finn and as much as he tried to stop it, it always fell into place and they'd end up in the same position – in the same warmth, in the same safe and trusting arms. The half naked segment came from the first time it ever happened: Kurt had been slushied on the way home and burst through the front door soaking wet. Finn was the only one home but that wasn't the reason why Finn helped him shower, helped him warm up and scrub the devilish red dye from his skin and eyebrows; helped him change into a new clean pair of underwear; helped him brush the sticky syrup out of his hair – nay, it was something more than that, something both boys chose to ignore. Something both boys _had_ to ignore.

It was after Finn's help that Kurt just curled up into a ball on his bed, in just his boxers, and let out a soft cry. Finn immediately crawled over to him and scooped him up, spreading his body heat and letting his hot breath dance across Kurt's pale and cold skin. Ever since then, whenever even a hint of tears or sadness flashed across Kurt's eyes Finn would join him and stay with him in this way until everything seemed clear again. Kurt repaid the favour whenever it was needed but Finn tried to be the stronger one in the relationship – relationship, yeah, sure and a pitiful roll of the eyes. Either way, Finn took it as his job – no, his destiny – to keep the light in Kurt's eyes and the brightness in his smile.

So there they were, pressed against each other in the centre of Kurt's bed while Kurt's _boyfriend_ sat downstairs. The smaller boy started drawing circles and – even if asked, he'd deny it – small love hearts on Finn's chest as Finn's long and slender soft fingers traced over the bones in his spine and stroking the skin of the small of his back, knowingly and innocently dipping under the waistband of his boxers a few times. Kurt let out a soft but heavy sigh and the warmth and force of it caused Finn's skin to burst into goosebumps and his heart was going just that little bit faster and they both knew the other could feel it.

"I think you looked –"

"It doesn't matter," Kurt stopped him and tightened his grip on Finn's torso.

"Of course it does, Kurt. You should wear whatever you want, since when have you ever done any different?" Kurt could imagine the smirk Finn had and when he raised his gaze he wasn't disappointed.

Kurt rested his chin on Finn's not-quite-man-boob-and-not-quite-peck and looked up at his step-brother, smiling shyly and letting out a breathy laugh. He heard Finn whisper something like 'there's that smile I love' both blushing at the exchange of 'love' and ignoring it, internally persuading themselves it was a slip up of words. Kurt shut his eyes and Finn watched his smile fade before he buried his face back in Finn's bare chest.

"He didn't support me, I can't believe it."

"But Kurt, just because he's your boyfriend it doesn't mean he has to support you in everything. It sucks but that's what happens," Finn shrugged, remembering every time that Quinn told him off for supporting Rachel and not her.

"Yeah, I know. Please save me the 'when Quinn said this' and 'when I was with Rachel' lecture," Kurt mumbled, his mouth pressed against the centre of Finn's chest.

"Okay but remember all the times he _has_ supported you," Finn urged.

"What telling me to face my bully and then being kissed without any indication from said bully?" Kurt snapped then sighed. "No, sorry, I didn't mean that – God I'm such a bitch! I shouldn't be sulking about this, he's scared about prom and I haven't even showed that much interest in his problems. God, why am I so selfish!"

"Hey, no, come on. Look you don't need to apologise to me, don't ever apologise to me," Finn said quietly, his grip tightening on Kurt only slightly. "Blaine means a lot to you and you don't want to hurt him, I get that just stop getting worked up and relax a little. He can't solve his problems with you if you're belittling yourself and I know he's not supporting you but maybe you should think about helping him. That's how relationships work."

Kurt was quiet for a while before a small giggle filled the room.

"What?" Finn asked, amused with an adoring smile bracing his face.

"I don't understand you sometimes," Kurt smiled up at Finn.

"What do you mean?"

"How you're just so incredibly dumb the majority of the time but you somehow seem to make so much sense, it completely baffles me," Kurt giggled and sat up on his elbows, facing Finn properly.

"Should I be offended or...?"

"Now you're doing it on purpose," Kurt laughed and hit Finn playfully on the chest as he laughed along and smile smugly.

Kurt stopped suddenly and discreetly leaned away from Finn, ignoring the sudden confused and worried face Finn pulled. It happened every time – sometimes Kurt ignored the feeling and carried on as normal – but every now and then it was like a huge block of bricks being dropped on his head: when he'd get the sudden urge to pull Finn into a kiss and kiss him until his lips hurt and carry on kissing him. He couldn't do it though, that would be over stepping a line. God knows what that line consisted of since not many step-brothers cuddled almost nakedly on each other's beds but whatever.

"You should – hey, look at me," Finn interrupted himself, bringing Kurt's gaze back to his own. "You should wear the kilt, I think you look awesome."

"I told you; I worked hard on it and nothing will stop me from wearing it, simple as. I just wish my _boyfriend_ was more supportive on the matter than my... _step-brother,"_ Kurt's voice wavered on the last two words, both boys being unsure as to what they were 'classed' as.

"Oh, so my opinion doesn't matter?" Finn smiled and poked Kurt in the ribs.

Kurt giggled and squirmed, Finn's fingers tickling him unknowingly, "of course it matters, dear. I take all my fashion ideas from you," Kurt smiled.

Yes, it was definitely Finn's destiny to make Kurt smile like that – no matter what.

"You'll be seeing me in that kilt soon then," Finn smiled and sat up, brushing some of the hair from Kurt's face. Kurt's head followed the warmth and pressed against the jocks hand, Finn smiled and kissed Kurt's forehead.

He felt Kurt gasp underneath him and heard the little squeak that followed, leaning back he could swear he saw something like sadness or heartbreak flash across his eyes but after a quick blink Kurt's eyes were back to their usual bright green-y blue with yellow bursts of light from his pupils. His eyelashes were wet and clumped together along with his now rosy cheeks and gosh if that flutter in Finn's chest got any more powerful it'd kill him. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours; just the two of them in the whole entire world like the population had been wiped out by some freakish apocalypse. Kurt was the first to move, as always (because everything became too much for him and that returning yearning of wanting Finn Hudson took over his body) and headed over to his dresser pulling out a pair of old sweatpants. Finn folded Kurt's jacket and vest, placing them next to the white shirt and tartan kilt lying on the bed.

Slipping his jeans over his waist and fastening them Finn stared longingly at Kurt, managing to look away quickly before he was caught and pulled his t-shirt over his head. Kurt wondered over to him and fell into his body, Finn's arms engulfing him in one final hug (one final goodbye) and took in the unforgettable smell of Kurt's hair and skin. When they pulled away Finn smiled and backed out of the room, leaving Kurt with a wanting and desperate and heartbroken smile only to be mirrored with the same one.

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><p>Blaine had gone home, it was late and his father didn't want him out too late with his boyfriend. Ever since Blaine had met Kurt's family it was something he envied – the freedom and love and support that three people offered without even a second of doubt compared to his father who still asked him to build cars or fix fuses or build brick barbeques in an attempt to make him 'straight'. Although Blaine put up a protest he didn't win and had to leave his boyfriend (recently crowned 'Prom Queen' of McKinley) and head home.<p>

Kurt wasn't ungrateful for Blaine, heck no, but he was a little relieved to be able to chill out with his family after the after party. With Finn and Kurt not being drinkers of alcohol, they left early and frankly Kurt still hadn't got over the pure hatred that had gone into making him Prom _Queen_. Finn glanced over to where Kurt was sitting in the living room, catching his eye and seeing that sad smile and sharing the desperate and needing look that they always shared and before they knew it they were in Finn's room 'ironing his suit and hanging it up'.

When in reality they were sat on the floor of Finn's room; Finn in his boxers and Kurt in his kilt but still shirtless. Finn sat cross legged as Kurt sat in the pit his legs created, Kurt's legs propped around Finn's body – facing him. They smiled at each other every one in a while but mostly fell into the position of Kurt resting his chin on Finn's shoulder as Finn rested the side of his head against the side of Kurt's. When Kurt spoke, Finn felt his jaw move about on his shoulder and felt the soft rumbling vibration of Kurt's angelic voice and couldn't help but let out a smile and happy sigh. Finn looked around the floor in front of him, ignoring the want to kiss Kurt and make love to him slowly because right now he deserved to be loved. Really loved, not just with unspoken words and meaningful looks and wanting sighs, he needed to be shown it – to become what love was. Something Finn couldn't give him, no matter how much his heart ached for it.

Kurt shuffled after a while and stood up out of Finn's arms, whispering a 'stay there' or a 'hang on' – Finn couldn't remember since his head was full of clouds and fog and the smell and warmth of Kurt. When the warm weight returned to his legs he smiled and looked up at the smiling boy. In his hand he was toying with the crown that had dressed his head for half the night, in an attempt to prove he didn't care and that nothing could touch him; he'd achieved that but his heart still hurt and his brain still begged to let the hot, salty and shame filled tears fall out of his eyes. Kurt ran his fingers over the spikes and the jewels of the crown, the fake diamonds that twinkled in fraud delight – Kurt felt almost mocked. It was funny, being there with Finn and looking at the crown that he'd eventually been happy to accept but now all he wanted to do was snap it and throw it and break every single atom that it was made from. Then scream and wail and howl and bawl and beg for justice and the never ending hate to just... stop.

Finn reached forward and steadied Kurt's shaking hands. A small smile met his eyes and watched Kurt place the crown atop Finn's head with an approving nod. Kurt let his hands stroke across Finn's cheeks as his hands lowered and looked into the deep brown eyes that shone in the darkness of the room.

"You should've won Prom King," Kurt whispered, his face inching closer.

"I shouldn't have got kicked out, I don't even know why I fought Jesse," Finn mumbled and refused to look Kurt in the eyes.

"You still love Rachel, it's human nature to protect her," Kurt smiled and ran his fingers along Finn's jaw.

"I don't – I don't love Rachel, I just don't trust Jesse and I care about her. The same way I care about Sam and Brittany," Finn shook his head.

"How do you care about me?" Kurt gasped out so quietly Finn was sure he missed it.

"More than Rachel," Finn answered with his head down. Then even quieter, "more than Quinn."

Kurt smiled, he didn't even hide it and lifted Finn's gaze by his chin looking at him with nothing but love. That urge hit him again, that block of bricks came down heavier than before.

"What are we doing, Finn?"

"I. I don't know."

"Neither do I," Kurt laughed, almost nervously – why was he so nervous? He shouldn't be nervous, he should be feeling guilty and so should Finn. They had other halves, they had commitments to other people – Finn claimed he was in love.

"I don't want to stop, Kurt. The favourite part of my day is doing this with you," Finn whispered, so quietly so terrified.

"It shouldn't be," Kurt smiled sadly.

"Even though it's yours too?"

"Even though it's mine too," Kurt nodded and rested his head back on Finn's shoulder and wrapped his arms around Finn's body.

Finn held him tighter, squeezing him and digging his fingers into Kurt's skin trying to hold back his tears. He heard Kurt sniffle and felt the wetness of warm tears hit the skin of his bare shoulders. Finn didn't care anymore, tilting his head down and planting soft kisses on Kurt's shoulder and pulling him in closer. The crown on his head tipped a little but one of Kurt's hands held it in place as their bodies shuffled closer so every inch of their bodies where touching.

"What are we going to do?" Finn asked after a while.

"We're not going to do anything. You're my backbone and that's not going to change."

"Even though we know how we feel?"

"Yes, I love you too much to risk losing you," Kurt whispered, not at all wavering or hesitating over the word 'love' – it felt right.

"I love you too," Finn meant it, in that way, although he wasn't sure that's what Kurt meant – Finn didn't care anymore.

"We'll be alright, you know?" Kurt pulled back and took the crown from Finn's head, placing it on his own head. "Besides I'm sure your plan for the night was to spend it with a Prom Queen, isn't that what you're doing?" Kurt smiled; a hint of happiness in his eyes was breaking through. "You should've seen me own that crowd."

"Don't worry Kurt, I know you made an awesome Prom Queen," Finn leaned forward and kissed Kurt's forehead, stroking his cheeks and pulling him back into their previous embrace.


	2. Waiting

Warnings: this chapter has spoilers for 2x21 - Funeral.

Enjoy!

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><p>"<em>She made my life hell for my whole high school experience, why would I want to talk to her?"<em>

"Because it's the right thing to do, Quinn!"

"_I'm not doing it."_

"Her sister is dead, Quinn, can't you let your pride go for just one moment?"

"_Oh, so now I'm too proud. What is wrong with you lately, you're picking fights, being grumpy all the time and talking back? Not to mention you're being really rude!"_

"Are we seriously going to have this conversation? You are in the wrong, Sue's sister is dead and you won't even bother to give a little bit of sympathy!"

"_We need to focus on Nationals and then we'll have something good to our name, Finn! I'm looking out for us, for our future."_

"How about being a good person and helping Sue out, that's a lot more than a national show choir championship!"

"_I'm not doing it Finn and that's final!"_

"Fine! Don't do it then, God, I've never been so disappoint – Quinn I have to go," Finn pulled the phone away from his ear as he walked through the door and made his way into the living room.

"_What so you're going to start this argument and leave it half way through – no way Finn!" _

"There are more important things to do than argue with you Quinn," Finn hung up and walked through the sea of clothes that trailed all the way to the couch.

He saw the blue jeans lying on the floor and followed the trail feeling like Hansel making his way through the forest. Finn carefully stepped over the orange shirt and cream cardigan, thinking he saw the matching bow tie but wasn't completely sure. He heard sobbing and not just any sobbing, _his _sobbing. The sobbing he tried so desperately to stop whenever he could. Finn almost ran to the couch and as he rounded the arm and the smaller boy came into view Finn swore he _heard_ his heart break – if that was even possible. Kurt was lying face down on the couch the only thing that dressed his body being his green and grey stripy boxers that clung to the curve of his butt. He watched as Kurt's slender and bare back rose roughly and irregularly as his sobs reached for more air to cushion them.

"Kurt," Finn quietly let out in sadness, tearing at the sight of him.

Kurt moved about on the couch, moving his hands from down his sides to folding them and resting his head on them; snuffling while doing so. Finn stood back, waiting for a reply because he knew what this was about and when it was about this Kurt wanted his space – and Finn got that, he understood that but god did he just want to wrap Kurt up and rock away all the pain in his heart and take it from him, storing it in his own heart for another bad day. Then when that bad day would come Finn would go out and just hit things, letting his pain and Kurt's pain go.

"I want her back. I want her back so badly," Kurt mumbled into his forearm, sniffling and breathing slowly shortly after.

Finn closed his eyes and blinked away tears, still trying to be the stronger one, but both of them knew this was a sensitive subject for both of the boys. Finn shrugged his jacket off roughly and threw it over the room, landing on one of the chairs in the joint kitchen. He pulled off his plain blue shirt and tugged his jeans down; grimacing at how much weight he was losing due to the stress of being with Quinn and being madly in love with his step brother at the same time.

"She's not gone anywhere," Finn whispered, crouching down next to the couch and running his hand along Kurt's shoulder blades.

"She's never coming back, she can't ever come back," Kurt was blubbering and Finn couldn't take it anymore, resting his forehead on the side of Kurt's head.

"True, but she's not gone anywhere," Finn repeated. "Come on, sit up."

"No. Bring her back."

Kurt's cries filling the room as his tears filled the sponge inside the cushion his head was resting on. Finn carefully forced him to move onto his side, Kurt was avoiding eye contact – looking anywhere but Finn, refusing to give into his comforting ways.

"Kurt, you know that's too much to ask of me," Finn muttered and urged Kurt to sit up, as he did so Finn settled onto the couch next to him.

Kurt immediately threw himself at Finn's chest, his hands wrapping around his waist and his delicate fingers digging into Finn's skin – just clinging. Finn engulfed Kurt's almost naked state and pulled him so close it was as if he wanted to push Kurt through his skin and have his soul placed happily inside of him. Finn buried his face in Kurt's hair when he felt tears rolling down the middle of his chest and then settle just before his navel. He took a deep breath, watching Kurt rise with it and let a few tears of his own drop into the soft hair that belonged to Kurt.

"I wish I could do everything for you," Finn spoke in a hushed tone, like it was a secret – it was a secret but they'd recently bared all to each other and there was no hiding how much they loved each other. Apart from the hiding that consisted of 'hi, this is my girlfriend Quinn' and 'hi, this is my boyfriend Blaine' – but as people always say you can't help who you fall in love with.

They sat in silence for a while, both getting warmer and warmer with the touch from each other, until Kurt spoke up:

"Sometimes I think she's still here. I know it's stupid but... it doesn't matter," Kurt trailed off and shook his head against Finn's chest.

"You can tell me."

"I know how silly it is but sometimes I'll wake up and think she'll be there. I think she's down here in the kitchen, making breakfast, singing and cleaning and being the mother I remembered. She'd kiss my dad good morning and wrap me up in her familiar arms, spinning me around and telling me how wonderfully happy I made her without even knowing it. And then she'd help me with my homework, helping me colour in the cows or the pigs on the farmyard then tell me she was so proud of me."

Finn stayed silent, his lips pursed against the top of Kurt's head.

"Sometimes, just sometimes I think – I convince myself – that the past nine years have been a lie, a sick sick joke; that she's really here, she never left and she'd still be there watering the Cornelia's when I come home from school. I dream of it." Finn ignored the way Kurt's grip got tighter and marks were slowly forming on his skin. The steadily piercing pain felt good, reminded him of what was right and wrong in the world – what was right and wrong in his life. Kurt was the right thing, he was the only thing that made Finn feel... normal.

"That's my point," Finn started and shuffled so he could look at Kurt, making him sit cross legged in front of him on the couch. They sat facing each other, their bent knees touching and their hands clasped together. "She hasn't gone anywhere, she'll never leave; not completely."

"She's a memory, Finn. There are only so many memories that can live in one brain and none of them ever express her true beauty or how much she meant to me," Kurt bowed his head and brushed Finn's knuckles with his thumbs.

"At least you have memories, Kurt. I know how much she means to you, I know," Finn squeezed Kurt's hands and hoped for a smile but nothing came. "She's in here Kurt," Finn brought his and Kurt's laced hands up to Kurt's chest, resting over his heart. "That's where she belongs; it's where she's always belonged."

Kurt broke down, crying and sobbing and bawling and the only safe place was Finn's arms. He mumbled 'I'm sorry''s and cried harder against Finn's shoulder, shaking in his arms with ever cry. Finn thought that if anyone caused Kurt this much pain on purpose they wouldn't have another breath to their name but then he thought about what he'd be without Kurt. Without Kurt calming him and slowly making him a better person without knowing it – and that thought alone broke his heart all over again.

Kurt calmed down eventually and sleepily shut his eyes, they had moved positions so that Finn was lying on his back and Kurt was propped up on his chest – his whole body covering Finn's until Kurt's legs spread and wrapped around the outside of Finn's. Kurt was mentally shouting at himself, telling himself to stop this – stop everything with Finn – because it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Blaine or to Quinn and Kurt was not a cheater (Finn, maybe so, but he did it out of the love in his heart). He was not a cheater and this wasn't cheating, he convinced himself, he just needed his strong brother to hold him and make it all feel alright again. Kurt chose to ignore the fact that his brain screamed 'Blaine could never do what Finn does, he can never make you feel this safe!' back at him and fuck Kurt wished it would shut up. Because Blaine was his and Finn could never be.

"We should help her," Kurt broke out of his internal conflict, trying to distract his brain. "Together."

"Who?"

"Sue. I-I heard you on the phone and we both know what it's like to lose someone so the least we can do is let her know we're here for her, get her some flowers or something on the way to school," Kurt mumbled into the space that joined Finn's arms to his chest.

"You'd do that?" Finn's eyes lit up.

"Yes, I mean maybe it'll help me get some closure again. I-I can't keep acting like this whenever someone dies. It's unhealthy, for me and you." Kurt looked at Finn, both of them knowing exactly what Kurt meant by the last part.

"It won't make me ill, you're worth it."

"Don't."

"I-I just, Kurt. I can't stop –"

"I know." Kurt shuffled up on Finn's body, framing his face with his hands and stroking at the jock's cheeks. "I know."

That big block of bricks hit them both, this time together. Choosing whether to give in to the need and the want and just kiss like they needed it, like they needed oxygen – or ignore it and let it build up and up then eventually take it all out on their partners. They didn't know what love was, didn't know how love really felt like but what they had was something. Finn was tempted to say it was more than a hook-up but he and Kurt had never hooked up, they just cuddled and talked. Somehow Finn thought that was better than anything, better than the kisses with Quinn; better than the make out sessions with Rachel and so much better than sex with Santana. With Kurt it was just... Kurt and Finn being Kurt and Finn. It was nice, it was almost perfect. Almost.

"I need yo–"

"Shh, shush now. Stop, let's just not talk about that, not today. I don't need to know about something else I can't have," Kurt got up slowly and sat between Finn's legs.

"But Kurt –"

Kurt's phone rang, interrupting Finn and the moment. Kurt climbed out of Finn's legs and searched the floor for his pants as Finn just watched and admired in sadness. Kurt padded his jeans, searching each pocket and answering the phone quickly before it rang out of ring and went to voicemail.

"Blaine," Kurt mumbled, a little shaky. "No, I'm fine - yeah, Finn's with me - honestly I'm fine, I just need some time by myself - I know, I miss you too but I just need this - thank you, I'm sorry, we'll do something soon - I know but I am sorry, Blaine. I'm so sorry," Kurt's voice quivered and Finn shot up off the couch to cradle him in his arms.

"Bye," Kurt barely got out before hanging up and dropping his phone on the floor. "Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine!" Kurt shouted, pulling out of Finn's arms and storming into the kitchen.

"Hey, come on don't get angry," Finn followed him through and tried to grab his wrist but Kurt just shrugged it off and sat on the floor against the fridge door.

"Can he just not be so clueless? Is that too much to ask?"

"Kurt, I thought you said we weren't going to talk about this?"

"We're not," Kurt forced a smile and took Finn's hand, standing up. "Let's go and do some gardening or something outside, I need to be with the elements."

"Gosh, you're so strange," Finn giggled and threw Kurt's cardigan at him.

Kurt smiled and flailed, before pushing Finn over the couch and running off with his clothes, dumping them outside in random places in the garden.

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><p>"Quinn, I'm sorry I still love you."<p>

"Just don't touch me!"

That was that. He'd just broken up with Quinn and he felt like shit. He wanted this; he was finally 'free' – so why did he feel so crap? Maybe it was because Finn was actually a nice person and seeing other people upset because of him didn't settle too well with his conscience. Or maybe it was because he considered himself 'free' but he still wasn't complete, he didn't have what he wanted. But god, he wanted it so bad.

Finn sat back in the front seat of his truck and sighed so loudly it was almost a grunt. Looking out of the windshield he almost starting crying, sniffling and wiping at his tears as Kurt came out of the funeral home and made his way to Finn's truck. Finn willed himself to stay calm and act normal – well act like he was upset about the funeral and not about his undying love for Kurt and how he just broke up with his girlfriend for him – even though he knew he'd never be able to be with Kurt. God knows how Finn came to that logic – dumping his girlfriend for someone he couldn't have. Well, guess that's Finn for you.

Kurt jumped in the truck, smiling and then frowning at Finn who hadn't noticed his presence. Finn felt Kurt's hand on his and woke up from his thoughts, for a moment he thought it was Quinn's hand but when he focused on the soft, long and bony fingers he knew who it was without even looking in that direction. When he did, however, look towards Kurt he almost broke down and resisted the temptation to throw himself out of the window, not caring much for the bruises and cuts and possible damage to his body.

"Hey," Kurt whispered, calmly with a hint of sadness.

"Hi."

"Are you okay, you look a bit shaken up?" Kurt asked, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah, just – Jean you know?" Kurt nodded and settled into his seat, removing his hand from Finn's. "I keep thinking about what Sue said, about it being her – why her?"

"I know but it was her time, even though it shouldn't be."

"Life is so unfair," Finn mumbled and started the car.

"That's an understatement," Kurt smiled over at Finn and brought his legs up to tuck them under each other, sitting cross legged on the car seat.

They drove in silence, the quiet sound of Finn's 70's rock music filling the car softly. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward, it was a sad, thinking silence – neither of them expected each other to be talking 90 mph about school gossip when someone dear had just been buried. Kurt remembered the day his mom was buried, remembered thinking about he'd never see her smile in person again – remembering how he'd never be able to cause that smile again. The feeling of a giant hole in his soul came about again and rose in his chest as much as he tried to ignore it, he'd been crying practically all week. Everything and anything happened to remind him of his mom, even when Finn would be expressing about his dad Kurt would be reduced to even more tears. And then he'd start to wonder whether his mother would be proud of him, if she knew how much he tried to impress her even though she'd probably never know. Would she still love him if she knew how he felt about Finn? About how he was treating Blaine?

"Follow your heart," Kurt whispered, unaware he said it aloud.

"What?"

Kurt panicked; that was just something he was meant to say in his head, he didn't even realise he was verbalising it until the last syllable slipped from his lips.

"Nothing, I was, er, just thinking of my mom," Kurt smiled and blushed a little.

"Are you okay?" Finn pestered immediately at the mention of his mother.

Kurt chuckled and smiled at him sweetly, "yes, I'm fine. Don't worry, just concentrate on driving."

The silent drive continued even though both of their heads were screaming at them. Finn couldn't shut his thoughts up; he just wanted his head to be quiet! He needed to tell Kurt, but that meant talking about feelings, which meant talking about how much he loved Kurt and that wouldn't be fair on Kurt because he was still with Blaine and he couldn't just leave him because Finn was now single and it was just such a mess. He thought dumping Quinn would be for the best, which in a way it was, but at this moment it wasn't. It was a fucking stupid idea. He had nothing to hide his emotions behind; everything was just there; there in the forefront of his mind.

Finn could no longer say 'you're with Quinn, stop this' now all his mind and heart was telling him was 'you're free, now go and get him prove to him that he's worth so much more!'

"Erm, Finn, why have we parked here?"

Finn didn't know what Kurt was talking about until he looked around at the placed surrounding the car. Somehow he'd driven them to their local park, he wasn't even aware – in fact he wasn't aware of anything that had happened in the past hour or so. Finn looked over at Kurt's confused face and shrugged, laughing at his own stupidity. Ignoring Kurt's protests Finn got out and began walking into the kid's part of the play park – Kurt following shortly behind asking questions which started with 'why' and 'what' but Finn ignored them all as well.

"Finn, seriously what are you doing?" Kurt asked breathless and looking like he was going to cry.

The cold, crisp air of Ohio was wrapping around them and making Kurt's features redden and the goosebumps on his skin began to show. Finn sat himself down on one of the swings; the whole play park deserted like all the kids knew today was a sad day and chose not to come out due to the creepy and eerie atmosphere.

"I don't know," Finn laughed darkly and shook his head, beginning to swing.

Kurt sat down in front of him, on the floor – not caring much for his clothes because he knew when something was bothering Finn and right then he knew it wasn't the funeral or his dad or Jean – sitting just a decent distance away from him that he wouldn't get hit by Finn's gigantically long legs.

"Finn, you can tell me anything – you know that right?"

"I broke up with Quinn," when Kurt said that Finn could tell him anything, he didn't think it'd come out so bluntly, so casually and he certainly didn't expect Finn to continue swinging like he had just mentioned something about the weather being dull.

"Oh." Kurt didn't know what to say. 'Thank God, now we can be together, hang on let me just dump Blaine' – no, he liked Blaine, he had Blaine.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said instead.

"Why?" Finn asked in that dark serial killer way that made Kurt feel like it was entirely his fault. Maybe it was, come to think of it.

"I know how much you wanted to make it work with her," Kurt shrugged.

"Then why did you do all this?"

"Do what?" Kurt asked, half confused and half not wanting to face the truth.

"Do this – whatever we have. Why did you keep coming back? Why didn't you push me away and make me realise that it's Quinn that I want and not you?"

"I can't control your life; I can't make you feel something you don't. You came to me when I needed you, when I needed someone – I'd be foolish to push someone I love away from me," Kurt said quietly, trying not to angry and snap at Finn.

It wasn't Kurt's fault. Finn was the one who came to Kurt, who chose to comfort Kurt. Finn was the one who let himself fall for Kurt, Kurt had never stopped loving Finn but that didn't matter, Finn didn't know that. It wasn't Kurt's fault.

"You could've done something though, Kurt!"

"What! What could I have possibly done? You were the one who came to me when I was upset, I didn't ask you, Finn!" Kurt shouted, allowing his high voice to echo and bounce off all the play park equipment.

"You could've pushed me away, told me I was wrong," Finn mumbled, finding the ground so interesting.

"Then I would've been wrong too," Kurt lay back onto the grass, looking up at the grey sky and wishing it was blue. "You're everything to me, Finn. I've pushed everyone away for so long, even when I think I'm not. I couldn't risk pushing you even further away; I didn't want to do that – not to you."

"But now we're left with this mess, knowing what each other want but we can't give it – how is that fair Kurt?"

"Life is so unfair," Kurt recited Finn's lines from earlier in the day, ignore the huff that came from the other boy.

"This isn't about life, Kurt. It's about you and me."

"It's about us. We're not separate Finn."

"Then why won't you be with me?" Finn whispered into the bark covered ground.

"Because you don't want that. I know you don't, we're each other's support mechanisms – that's all we'll ever be, that's all we ever can be," Kurt ran his hands through his hair, letting gravity take its toll and dropping them to the floor with a small thump.

"You don't know what I want."

"Really, Finn? Could you put up with all the looks, all the whispers behind your back, all the people yelling at you for who you are? I barely can and you know how strong I am," Kurt shook his head against the grass and sighed.

Finn slowly got up off the swing, ignoring the questions and letting silence take over. He lay down next to Kurt and let his hand brush against the smaller boys, before twining his fingers with Kurt's. He squeezed Kurt's hand and looked up at the sky, in hopes that it would supply them with endless happiness and grant their ever wish. Even though he knew it wouldn't. They were unrequited and both of them knew it. They were the play thing of the world, of the universe – they were made to fall in love with each other and they did. But whatever force of nature that was out there preferred to see them suffer; to see them love and keen for each other but have to be faced with various hurdles and gigantic brick walls that stopped them from what they wanted.

The boys hadn't accepted that part yet – they were just waiting until they could elope, leave and run and get away and never look back at this town. Create their own world where it only consisted of each other and each other only. That's what they had accepted, had hoped for and they promised themselves that's what they'd wait for.

Finn spoke up after almost ten minutes of silence: "she thought it was about Rachel."

"And?"

"I let her think it was," Finn shrugged, his heart falling out of place when Kurt sighed and stood up.

"And there's your answer, Finn," Kurt wrapped his arms around himself, walking off slowly towards the truck ignoring Finn's calling after him.

"Kurt! Wait," then even quieter, "come back, please. I need you."

"Can we just, please, just go home?" Kurt turned, his eyes red and puffy and his lips turned down at the sides.

"And then what? Act like everything is normal?"

"We've done it plenty of times before," Kurt retorted before walking back to the car with speed.

"Kurt," Finn raised his voice and ran in front of Kurt to stop him.

"I want to go."

"And I want you but sometimes we can't get what we want," Finn looked down at him, trying his best not to give in a just hold him.

"Stop," Kurt whispered into the cold air, letting the warm tears roll down his face.

Finn cupped Kurt's cheeks, wiping away the tears with the pads of his thumbs and with one hand brushing Kurt's hair back. Kurt shut his eyes partly because of the sting that he tears brought about and secondly because of the effect Finn's touch had on him. Whether it was a simple and friendly shoulder nudge or the tender and loving brush of his hands through Kurt's hair, Kurt always found himself feeling a year younger and just like he did when Puck pushed him into that locker.

And then Kurt realised.

Finn was always his knight in shining armour.

He always will be.

Kurt moved his arms in between them and brought them up around Finn's neck, pulling him down so his forehead was resting on Kurt's. Both boys had their eyes closed, just breathing each other and trying their hardest not to shake from pure emotion and the cold weather. Kurt sniffed and let out a content sigh as Finn's hands stroked frantically at Kurt's soft skin.

"I know I'm dumb Kurt but I know that I love you," Finn paused as the words fell out of his mouth. "I love you," he repeated in confidence.

"I know," Kurt whispered, shaking his head as he continued. "I love you too, so much."

It was Kurt who closed the gap between them, doing what they'd be wanting to do for almost three months but this time no bricks hit them, no walls that were signed with 'don't do this'. Just then it was right, everything was right. The way Finn's lips were warm and wet but boyish and rough even though they moved softly and delicately over Kurt's; the way Kurt's lips fit between Finn's and felt just perfect; the way Finn could feel stubble around Kurt's mouth and even though he never thought about that prospect of kissing a boy he found that it made everything feel that much better. Finn didn't even have to clench his eyes shut to imagine his emotions, they were just there and his eye lids fluttered shut – only daring to look away from Kurt.

When they pulled away from each other, everything came into focus but the sense of regret wasn't there. Finn expected Kurt to run off, babbling about Blaine or something but instead he stood there looking up at Finn with a slight blush and a beautiful smile.

"I've wanted to do that for two years," Kurt giggled and stepped back, taking Finn's hand in his as they walked back to the car.

"My God, I love you," Finn muttered under his breath but Kurt heard and spun round to shoot him a bright and happy smile, the happiest smile he's ever seen.

* * *

><p>When Carole came home she expected to find the boys out at whatever sad and upsetting gathering Sue was holding in memory of her dear sister, so when she walked into the living room and found Kurt curled up in a ball against Finn as Finn buried his nose in Kurt's hair – both of them fast asleep – she was more than a little surprised. She glanced over at the TV, the end credits stuck and twitching across the screen as the video had obvious reached its end before ejecting it from the VCR machine and smiling at the sticky label. It read 'Willy Wonka' in the top left corner, in what Carole recognised as Burt's handwriting and then she noticed the rest of the sticky label which had a hand drawn picture of Willy Wonka next to the words 'by Kurt Elizabeth' in what she assumed was Kurt's five year old handwriting.<p>

Carole smiled warmly as she set the video tape on the coffee table and grabbed the blanket which lay on the clean washing pile that Finn still hadn't taken upstairs. She wrapped them both up as sneakily and delicately as she could, trying her best not to wake them. Finn shuffled and gripped Kurt tighter and Carole swore she heard the mutterings and claims of love fall from her son's lips but simply smiled and went upstairs to change from her work clothes.

It was a while later, when Carole was making (and secretly eating) a fruit salad when she heard the loud and piercing ring from Kurt's cell phone blare out through the living room and into the kitchen. There were a set of grunts and moans and what she could recognise as a sigh that followed, she'd be lying if she said she carried on with what she was doing. Instead she stopped and held her breath, listening carefully to what was going on in the other room.

"It's Blaine, isn't it?" Finn muttered, failing to let the disappointment disappear from his voice.

"Yep," Kurt sighed.

"He gets you whenever he wants, can't I just have you for this moment? Just for a little while?"

Kurt's phone stopped ringing and when both boys looked down at the screen it flashed '1 missed call from: Blaine' but neither made any effort to call back. Kurt rested his head back on Finn's chest, looking up to say the thing they were both thinking:

"We've made it worse, haven't we?"

"Yes, yes we have," Finn laughed.

He wasn't sure why he laughed but at that moment, all the mess they had made and how much they had fucked each other's live up was just hilarious. They were so useless and bad at romance with anyone other than the boy sitting in front of them. But they could wait and at that second in time, they both reached for each other's lips and sighed contently at the perfect, tingling almost clichéd firework feeling.

They could wait. They promised themselves they could wait.


	3. Saviour

Warning: this chapter has spoilers for 2x22 - New York.

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>They were going to New York tomorrow, tomorrow mid-morning and Kurt was freaking the hell out. Partly because, duh, it was New York – New York, the place of dreams and stars and Broadway and the city that manages to capture people's hearts and cling to them like a needy lover – and partly because he had nothing to wear.<p>

Of course, Kurt's definition of 'nothing to wear' was completely different to everyone else's; children in Africa had 'nothing to wear', Kurt had the entirety of Marc Jacobs winter collection 2009 hidden in the back of his walk in closet. He had clothes to wear but none of them were deemed appropriate for New York, New York. He had four outfits and his Nationals costume ironed and packed ready to go but obviously he needed something to wear there – to arrive in.

That was what he was having trouble with and in result he let out a groan which dabbled in the category of 'screaming'.

"Kurt, what's the matter!" Finn stumbled in, only keeping his balance by hanging onto the door handle.

"I have nothing to wear!" Kurt shouted from deep inside his walk in wardrobe.

"That's why you screamed?" Finn raised one eyebrow and walked over to sit on the end of Kurt's bed before flopping back and staring at the ceiling. "I thought you were hurt or something."

"You're lucky you didn't say 'I thought it was important or something' because then I'd have the right to hit you," Kurt's voice came from somewhere in his walk in closet but Finn could hear the smirk in it.

"Really now?" Finn teased

"Really, really," Kurt smiled and threw an empty shoe box at Finn as he emerged from his closet.

They had gotten a lot more physical since Jean's funeral, they tried not to and god they weren't proud of it but it happened. The block of bricks that used to hit them still did but it was subtle and before they knew it they were pushing each other down and brushing their lips against the other. Kurt had managed to convince himself that he was trying so hard not to give into Finn and to stay a faithful boyfriend to Blaine; but he and Finn both knew this was what Kurt told himself to him grounded and not feel guilty about cheating on Blaine. He'd accepted that he was cheating – he didn't like the idea but that's what it was.

He loved Finn with every fibre of his being but he loved Blaine as well. Finn had once said that the reason behind Kurt loving Finn more than Blaine was because of their history, because of how long they've known each other and because they connect so easily. Even their parents had admitted they bring out the best in each other. Despite that, they still couldn't be together and the further and more comfortable they got when they were alone (Kurt decided he shouldn't have been so prudish about sex), the harder it got to pull away.

Then again, maybe they weren't supposed to pull away – Kurt didn't believe in God and neither did Finn after his grilled cheesus let him down – but somehow they felt something pulling them together. It could've been fate but admitting that seemed clichéd and tacky.

"Okay, so what do you think about this?" Kurt twirled in his outfit, the trail on his jacket followed round after him.

Finn was mesmerised by the fluffy feathers on the shoulders and resisted the urge to rub his face in them but even when asked about his opinion he knew no matter what he said he'd either be wrong or too vague and not helpful at all. He liked the pants but then had a second thought about saying that because then he'd be accused of objectifying Kurt so he just settled with:

"I like it," Finn smiled, crossing his legs while lounging against the headboard of Kurt's bed.

"You like it?" Kurt deadpanned.

"I love it?" Finn suggested. He'd said something wrong.

"Ugh, you're useless," Kurt stomped his foot and returned to his closet.

"Ask Blaine or something, he knows more about fashion than I do," Finn began to play with the alarm clock that sat in the little cove next to Kurt's bed.

He didn't get a reply but he thought that was only because fashion was calling and clothes were far more important than boys or love or feelings at that moment in time, but it wasn't until Finn looked away from Kurt's silver alarm clock to see him standing there with only his jeans on and his hands on his hips. Finn assumed he said something wrong again.

"What?"

"I asked you, not Blaine," Kurt muttered and dropped the shirt he had in his hands to the bed.

"This isn't about clothes anymore is it?" Finn bit his lip.

"It's just everybody is always Blaine this and Blaine that, just because we're a couple doesn't mean I have to do everything with him," Kurt left out the 'especially when I'd rather be doing it with you' that followed.

"That's usually what couples do so you can't blame people for assuming that you two are the same."

"But we're not that type of couple, anyone can see that," Kurt sighed and sat on the edge of the bed at Finn's feet.

"Maybe they think that's a cover and you're really just going at it behind closed doors," Finn smiled and sat up to face Kurt.

"Oh definitely," Kurt smirked and edged closer towards Finn.

"Or maybe, that's just us," Finn returned the smirk and closed the gap between them.

"Maybe," Kurt mumbled into Finn's lips, returning the kiss instantly and clutching to the collar on Finn's polo shirt.

It wasn't like Kurt enjoyed cheating on Blaine – he wasn't that kind of person – but his heart and body ached for Finn in a way it never did for Blaine. He couldn't help that and maybe it was considered as leading Blaine on but Kurt did honestly love Blaine. Kurt remembered everything they did together, all the times they cuddled on the couches in the homeroom at Dalton and when they'd run around the halls after hours singing to each other and sharing soft kisses.

It sounded shallow but he had Blaine and that was the one thing from keeping him from dumping Blaine; he had him, he was his boyfriend. Kurt's first ever boyfriend and he was sure Blaine loved him back, he never said it as such but he had implied it. Even so, Kurt didn't yearn to see Blaine, didn't yearn to feel him or hear him laugh and although it worried him he'd be stuck in this Blaine vs. Finn funk until he graduated he knew it would come together and be clear someday soon.

"Boys! Dinner's out, come and get it!" Carole's voice pulled them apart and Finn smiled cheerfully at the thought of food.

Kurt watched him leave and changed into some more appropriate attire for dinner which should probably include a shirt or something. Kurt wasn't really sure because he was still a little dazed by the kiss, Finn's kisses always managed to leave him lost no matter how many times they'd secretly done it.

And then came the guilt when he looked at himself in the mirror.

"God, Kurt what are you doing to yourself?" He sighed and rested his head against the cool surface of the mirror.

Kurt woke with a start and almost let out a scream until a hand clasped around his mouth and a soft 'shh' followed. He glanced over to his clock, noticing it was 3:37am and thought maybe it was too late (or early) for a burglar or murderer to come round his house but then again anything is possible. Wait – what kind of murderer cuddled with their victim?

"I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep."

Kurt relaxed at the sound of Finn's soft voice, coaxing him back into sleep. He turned around to face him and bury his face in Finn's bare chest, wrapping his arm around Finn's waist.

"We've spoiled ourselves," Kurt whispered.

"I don't know what that means," Finn shrugged against Kurt's body.

Kurt smiled against Finn's chest and pulled him tighter, loving how the tight grip was returned in an instant and Finn's warm breath tickled the top of his head.

"What I mean is, we're going to New York today for three days and we do this every night – do you really think all the boys will allow us to cuddle during the night? We'll get found out," Kurt trailed off.

"Oh. I get you," Finn sighed unhappily. "I can control myself, Kurt. I can, I mean I can do it around school every day and at home in front of mom and Burt so I can do it now," Finn promised.

"I'm not saying you can't, I'm just saying all of what we've done is going to backfire soon enough and I just – I love you, Finn and I'm just tired."

"Tired of what?"

"Trying. Tired of trying not to feel what I feel for you and concentrating on what I feel for Blaine."

"You're not happy that we're in love?" Finn asked rather offended actually.

"No, that's not what I mean," Kurt stressed pulling Finn back into their embrace. "I just. I don't know. You know exactly what you want and you give it all you've got because that's who you are. But me?"

"What about you?"

"I'm not like that. I can't hurt people and deal with it, I'm a thinker – I think too much about things and end up getting in a state," Kurt murmured, trying not to cry.

"I don't like hurting people if that's what you're saying Kurt – do you think I like hurting people!"

"Don't shout at me, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that," Kurt broke down and pulled out of Finn's arms to sit on the floor.

"What do you mean then?"

"I don't know, Finn. It's different for you, you're single and free and I'm not. I'm always the one who gets hurt and now I'm here, on the floor, crying and having to chose between my boyfriend and the love of my life," Kurt let his head fall in his hands and let out a loud sob.

"Hey, hey, hey," Finn started and scrambled off the bed to gather Kurt in his arms. "No one is making you chose, you know that in this town we're never going to be able to be together. Well in the way that I want. Kurt I know you love Blaine and I know how hard this is on you and if you want to call it off then you know you have the power to."

"I can't do that," Kurt whispered, turning around to face Finn again. "I've had you Finn Hudson, I've always wanted you and you expect me to be able to give up on us just like that?"

"It'll be hard but if you can't do this anymore, I understand," Finn nodded to himself. "When you love someone, you've got to let them go."

Kurt sat in silence for a while, then chuckled; "that saying is so stupid."

Finn smiled and kissed Kurt's forehead lightly, wrapping him up tighter.

"I love you," Kurt said quietly, tears rolling freely down his cheeks as he looked up at Finn.

"I love you too."

"I don't want to stop this, what we have. I know that it's so confusing I feel like giving it all up but it makes me happy – knowing you're here, knowing you love me." Kurt's tears were stopping and a smile was forming on his face as he kissed Finn quickly.

"Can we cuddle properly now, because this is the last night we'll be able to do it and –"

"Yes, come on," Kurt smiled and pulled Finn up.

They settled on the bed, under the covers, Finn's arms around Kurt's waist and Kurt's head resting on Finn's chest; trading soft kisses and tight squeezes before sleep took over and let them rest blissfully. When they woke up they were still closed around each other and smiling happily ready to take whatever New York had for them because they were in love and love was the strongest thing on the planet. They were strong, they always had been and Kurt thought that maybe the reason why they were both built so strong was to face this.

* * *

><p>"Shut up, Santana! Shut up! You don't know anything about me!" Finn shouted and stormed out, pushing Rachel aside and heading to the boy's hotel room.<p>

"I'll go and talk to him," Puck nodded at Sam and headed for the door.

"No," Kurt spoke up. "Let me, I know him better than all of you whether you like it or not."

"Dude, we've been best friends since kindergarten, I know him better than you think," Puck said in defence and blocked the door.

"And no offence Puck but that didn't stop you from getting his girlfriend pregnant and then getting with his other one, right now he needs someone who understands him and won't judge him. That's me – I'm his brother and family comes first, so if you'll excuse me," Kurt pushed Puck aside gently and followed after Finn.

It wasn't that Kurt was going to be soft on Finn, hell no – he'd kissed Rachel and ruined their chances at winning Nationals but most importantly he kissed Rachel. Kurt wasn't going to lie, he was hurt – Finn said he loved him. Kurt knew he was being hypercritical because, hello, he had a boyfriend and always put Finn in the position he was in now but whatever.

He didn't even knock, knowing if Finn knew someone came after him he wouldn't answer the door. Luckily Kurt had his room key and swiped it, finding Finn face down on the bed. Kurt pulled his tie off and undid the buttons to his shirt, stripping his jeans shortly after and locking the door – just in case. He made his way over to the bed and snuggled against Finn's arm that lay by his side.

"It's not all your fault, you know."

"Is."

"Isn't," Kurt smiled and pushed Finn over so he was staring at the ceiling. Kurt looked over at him and grasped his hand without a second hesitation.

They lay in silence for a few minutes both lost in their own thoughts as tears trickled down Finn's face – he hated crying, so much.

"I'm sorry," Finn swallowed. "For hurting you, tonight."

"It's not different than usual," Kurt laughed darkly and then regretted it soon after.

"You see! I'm so full of crap, you were right."

"Right about what?" Kurt asked, sitting up slightly.

"I always hurt people," Finn replied grimly.

"You know I didn't mean that, Finn. Besides, and as strange as it is, you do it out of all the love in your heart," Kurt wrapped his arm around Finn's hips and rested his head on his shoulder.

"So it's a fair deal then?"

"Look, Finn. I can't moan to you about how much you hurt me by kissing Rachel – I can hardly talk, because I'm sure every time I complain to you about Blaine you feel just the same. But if you want to be with her, now is your chance," Kurt spoke to the room.

"I don't want Rachel!" Finn shouted and Kurt's temper rose.

"Then why did you kiss her?" Kurt stood up, ignoring Finn's tighter grip.

"Don't shout at me, I'm allowed to be confused too!"

"You just said you didn't want Rachel, how can you be confused?" Kurt shouted back.

"Oh I don't know, maybe because it only just hit me that I'm completely, head over heels in love with you and when I sang that song I wanted you up there with me – I imagined you up there with me and that kiss wasn't meant for her, it was meant for you. I got so caught up in everything that when it ended you're face was all I saw and I couldn't control it. And now, everyone thinks I want to be with Rachel, and I don't, I don't, I don't. I want you but I can't tell them because of Blaine, because of Lima, because of our parents, because of you. I'm confused because you may not think it but this is hurting me just as much as it hurts you!" Finn shouted in one long breath, sobbing straight afterwards and putting a pillow over his head.

"But I can't stop," he finished lamely.

Kurt was crying, not expecting that outburst and hating himself for shouting at Finn and treating him like an object with little feelings just because he was 'single'. Kurt wiped at his face and climbed onto the bed, lying on top of Finn's body. His legs resting between Finn's long ones and their hips resting gently on each other's. Kurt moved the pillow off Finn's face and made him look Kurt in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry," Kurt mumbled and repeated as he rested his head against Finn's forehead.

They cried together for a while, eventually stripping down and wrapping their limbs and bodies together tightly, like the habit they could never and would never break. Finn's eyes hurt, not used to crying and his heart ached, not used to being used to so strongly. Kurt's sniffles filled the room and his tears formed a wet puddle where his face joined with Finn's chest.

"We never will break this cycle will we?" Kurt asked.

"I guess that's love for you," Finn smiled.

It was strange that whenever things got serious between them, they'd argue, cry and then smile and laugh about the situation. It was dark and absurd but it both made them feel more comfortable with each and it just seemed... right. It was like they knew that no matter what they'd shout at each other, no matter how hurt they were they'd always end up in the same god damned position – in each other's arms – and to them, whether they knew it or not, it was hilarious.

"Can I kiss you now?"

"Please," Kurt whispered and reached up to press his lips to Finn's.

They were always slow kisses, when they'd memorise the shape and taste of each other's lips even though they already had a record of them stored away. They liked to feel and move their hands over each other's bodies, like an adventure; each time finding somewhere new to explore. Then and only then would they deepen the kiss and let the nagging bite of passion take over with their tongues twining and rubbing against each other until they needed air. Resting their heads together they'd breathe and take one needy and desperate look at each other and dive back in again; shifting their bodies closer together and pressing flush against the skin of the other boy.

"I don't want you to second guess anything Kurt, what we've said and done – I meant it, all of it; this doesn't change how I feel about you."

"I know, I know," Kurt nodded a little breathless and reached forward again.

* * *

><p>When they'd calm down and finally got dressed, Kurt went to retrieve the boys from the other room – specifically telling them not to bug Finn about Rachel or anything of the sort. Kurt went to speak to Rachel, explaining Finn's situation – well not that situation, just that Finn didn't mean to kiss her and he just got caught up in the momentum of the song. Rachel looked up at him, a slight smile on her face and her eyes brimming with sadness but with a hint of realisation.<p>

"He's in love with you, isn't he?" Rachel's voice was less than a whisper; her hand tightened the grip on Kurt's.

Rachel's smile was inviting and trusting and for that fleeting moment Kurt sighed and looked away. She let out her own sigh, but Kurt couldn't tell if it was a happy sigh, a relieved sigh or one of disappointment.

"Don't even try to lie to me Kurt," Rachel whispered and caught Kurt's gaze with her own eyes. "I know that he looks at you like you're some kind of saviour, the way he used to look at Quinn and me. I don't and won't hate you Kurt – if you love him back. I know that what you have as two people is stronger than anything he's shared with anyone else."

Rachel paused, looking at the corridor of the hotel and then back at Kurt.

"And maybe, just maybe, Finn is worth losing Blaine over."

Kurt laughed breathlessly, of course Sam wasn't worth it but his step-brother-slash-previously-striaght-and-totally-confused-in-the-relationship-department-Finn was. Kurt dropped his head to Rachel's shoulder and squeezed her hand, pulling her up with him as he stood.

"You know what you said about Broadway," Kurt smiled. "I think I might take you up on that offer."

"Oh, please Kurt. You may love Broadway more than Blainey-pops but Finn wins over both of them hands down." Rachel smirked at him as they walked back to the girl's room, hand in hand.

"Maybe," Kurt replied quietly.

* * *

><p>"He told me loved me. Finn, he told me he loved me!"<p>

Kurt was shouting and pulling at his hair while pacing around the room, Finn was lying on Kurt's bed pulling at the thread of the patterned pillow case. He didn't really know what to say, Finn loved Blaine and thought he was awesome – even though every time he saw him Finn was filled with guilt and what felt like was someone stabbing him – but he didn't know whether to be happy for Kurt. Should he be happy that Kurt finally had someone who loved him out and proud? Or should he be angry and upset that it's just another thing in the way from having Kurt fully?

So, Finn settles for "and?"

"And? And? That's all you can say!"

"Well you do love him and he obviously loves you, so I'm not seeing the big deal," Finn shrugs, even though Kurt can see in his eyes the disappointment.

"You are, you're just not admitting it," Kurt sighs and crawls onto the bed, sitting cross-legged at Finn's upper body.

"This isn't about me, Kurt," Finn spoke sincerely and it wasn't until then that Kurt realised how much Finn had changed and grew up.

He was so mature now, as was Kurt, and he didn't know whether it was this thing between them or that they had both found the best of themselves and unconscientiously became that person. Finn didn't get as angry as he used to and the chairs were quite grateful for that and Kurt had stopped being such a bitch and although he was still independent he knew now that it was okay to rely on other people now and then.

"I know, I'm sorry," Kurt whispered because they both knew the apology wasn't just for that.

Kurt's eyes began to prick and he felt the tears coming before they did, he tried his best not to let them fall but as soon as one made its way out, his whole cheek was covered in warm, wet tear tracks. Kurt felt so ugly at that moment, not just physically, but inside and everything. He was the epitome of a horrible person – and a cheater, he was a big fat ugly cheater who cheats on their perfectly decent, perfectly lovely boyfriend with their perfectly adorable, perfectly perfect and kind and sweet and loving step-brother.

And yes, Kurt knew he put more adjectives on Finn's side but right then he didn't care, not one bit. He loved Blaine, obviously not in the way he loved Finn. Then Kurt realised that somehow in this crazy mess and funk-ification of a relationship his feelings for Blaine turned into the feelings he was supposed to feel for Finn, and the feelings he was supposed to feel for Finn had turned into what he felt for Blaine. If that made sense – well it did to Kurt.

It was only then Kurt realised that the room was silent and Finn was standing at the side of the bed, gently and quietly removing his clothes. Kurt joined him and they settled under the covers, letting themselves get warm in the heat of each other's bodies. They were quiet for a long time, just breathing and thinking like they used to before all the kissing and sexual stuff got in the way. It was nice, a nice change and Kurt didn't feel guilty at all during the sweet cuddle.

"You know, you shouldn't make a big deal out of this Kurt."

"What?" Kurt snapped because how on Earth could Finn just say that.

"Look, can we not argue for once?" Finn snapped back, regretting it straight away at the silence that came from Kurt.

Finn felt the wet tears from Kurt drop onto his bare chest and instinctively tightened his grip on the smaller boy, his apology wrapped up in the warmth and beating of his heart. He reached down and softly wiped at Kurt's eyes before whispering a real apology into his hair. Kurt smiled and he knew Finn could feel it.

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Finn," Kurt shifted and got more comfortable. Finn held his breath as discreetly as he could, afraid of what was to come. "I thought it would be easy to break things off with Blaine, obviously I would be upset but I don't think it would've been that hard – I mean, we barely do anything apart from drink coffee and make out occasionally on the couch downstairs –"

Kurt saw Finn wince and felt bad instantly, he scooting higher up on the bed and began stroking Finn's hair in apology – just the way he liked it, half relaxing and half rough.

"Sorry – you know what I mean. I just thought I could do this easily and then focus on things with you – not necessarily a relationship because I know that maybe you're not ready for that but just focus on you without feeling so shit about myself. And I know it's selfish but surely I should be allowed to enjoy the pleasure you give me without feeling like that afterwards."

"It's not selfish," Finn interrupted, closing his eyes at the relaxing head massage and letting Kurt rant like he used to while Finn stroked at the small of his back.

"This whole thing is selfish, Finn."

"I don't think it is," Finn replied, his eyes still closed and his tone light. "I mean I love you and maybe pursuing you was a little selfish but it's not like we meant for this to happen or we did it on purpose behind Blaine's back. It just happened," Finn shrugged.

"Pursue? You've been reading the book I'm writing, haven't you?" Kurt smiled.

Finn chuckled and rolled them over so he was hovering over Kurt, his eyes still closed and his body relaxed. He let himself collapse on top of Kurt and covered him with his whole body, Kurt's figure twining and laughing. Finn smiled happily like some kind of smug dog and rolled back to the other side of the bed, leaving Kurt gasping for air. His laughs still brightening the room and making it a more positive and homely place, Finn pulled him back into the warm embrace after noticing the lack of heat and that he just missed having him there.

"You can love him too, you know?" Finn said quietly, brushing the strands of hair from Kurt's face after they'd fallen away from the styling spray.

"I know."

"It doesn't make you a horrible person."

Kurt laughed, contrary to Finn's belief – he was a horrible person. He wondered how many people were happy having affairs; maybe it was a 'type' of person? Maybe Kurt was that type of person – it made sense, always wanting something he can't have. Then there was Finn and well, Finn was just a confused person in all of life's tasks especially relationships so cheating was bound to happen – and did happen. Twice now.

"I'm afraid," Kurt whispered after a while.

"Afraid of what?"

"What type of person I am. I think you make me realise things I don't want to notice and maybe that's good but god, it scares me."

"What do you mean?" Finn asked quietly, pulling Kurt a little closer and letting his hand trailed down to the curve of Kurt's ass and down his thigh – moving it between his own legs.

"It doesn't matter," Kurt smiled and leaned forward to kiss Finn's nose.

They heard the front door open and close from downstairs and leaped out of the bed simultaneously, scrambling around for their clothes and brushing down their hair. Finn opened the door to Kurt's room and then turned back, backing him into the cove where Kurt's vanity was and pushing him up against the wall. They starred at each other for a split second, wrapping in passion and heat and god, Kurt's eyes were so dark and lustful and Finn's body ached for it.

He dove down, pressing his lips to Kurt's and moving them quickly and roughly – marvelling at the ever soft and plump lips underneath his. Kurt moaned and opened his mouth for Finn's probing tongue, grunting at the touch of the two muscles moving and twining together. God, Kurt never had this with Blaine but he wished it never stopped. If his life just consisted of this it'd be so easy and so god damned enjoyable. He reached forward and palmed at Finn's jeans, feeling the growing bulge and smiling at what he was able to do to Finn.

Obviously, out of revenge and playful teasing, Finn decided to return the favour and Kurt nearly fell to the floor. Finn held him up by his waist and pulled away, biting Kurt's bottom lip and dragging it with him. Kurt's eyes were closed in bliss and arousal as Finn pulled away; he slowly opened them and saw the mischievous look on the taller boy's face.

"You're not funny," Kurt smiled and pushed him all the way out of his room.

Kurt followed shortly after, creating a distance between them as they settled down with their family – Kurt smiled as he noticed Finn shift and fidget for a few moments every now and then.

But then he was reminded of Blaine declaring his love and how real it all felt and how very fake their whole relationship was – little did Blaine know.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until Burt and Carole had gone to bed and the boy's were getting ready for bed themselves when Kurt brought up the subject again – much to Finn's annoyance. He'd decided – as he watched Kurt all night and craved to plaster him on top of the table, kiss him and make love to him passionately – that he was more angry at Blaine's 'I love you' than he was happy for Kurt.<p>

And yes, he knew it was bad and he was in no place to be angry because he was essentially the dirty affair that was causing his step brother complete confusion and pain. But either way it was still something that got in the way of ever having Kurt to himself and he was being a selfish bastard but he didn't give a shit. Even if he did like Blaine.

"I told him I loved him back," Kurt mumbled as he relaxed into the warm bath water, watching Finn brush his teeth.

They were comfortable around each other naked, more than they should've been. Kurt wasn't proud (again) that he'd gone further with Finn than he had with Blaine, because it made it an actual affair instead of just cuddling together for 'support'. However, when it happened Kurt was amazed at how blissful and just purely amazing it felt, his hold ups on sex completely taken aback. He was still a virgin but god, he loved what Finn did with his tongue and hands... down there.

Anyway that was beside the point.

"That's good," Finn nodded while foaming at the mouth.

"Mhmm." Kurt waited a while until he spoke again. "Are you going to join me?"

"Not right now," Finn answered glumly and sat on the floor, his back resting against the bath tub.

"Are you mad at me?" Kurt asked quietly and shuffled so he was lying sideways in the bath.

"No," Finn paused. "I'm just a bit..."

"I lied you know? When I told him," Kurt mumbled into the porcelain tub.

"No you didn't, you love him Kurt and that's okay – you've just gotta give me some time," Finn answered slowly, his voice tired and sorrowful.

"I didn't mean in the way he meant it though, you know that."

"I know, but it's still a little sore for me to hear it," Finn shrugged.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Finn sniffed and stood up, stripping his shirt and put it into the dirty washing basket before glancing back at Kurt with a sad smile and moving to the door.

Kurt opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out, he needed to stop Finn from running away. Finn knew how Kurt felt about him, he knew it and maybe Kurt just needed to give him some time – like he asked. But Kurt still needed to have Finn around, more than anything and that's when his mind was made up.

"Finn, wait."

"What?" Finn's voice was sharp and irritated, breaking Kurt's heart into little pieces.

"If I – if we," he pointed between the two of them. "If we, are real and we try to make it. If I finish it with Blaine – what will become of us?"

"Anything you want," Finn shrugged.

"No, what do _you_ want?"

"Everything," Finn answered in a breathless whisper.

"Define 'everything'."

"Anything you're willing to share with me, Kurt. I want to hold your hand and wrap my arm around your shoulder to bring you closer. I want to kiss you in private when nothing but each other matter and I want to kiss you in front of everyone to show how much you mean to me – what you do to me. Kurt, I want anything and everything. I know you think I'm not ready but I am Kurt. I am, I've learned that I'll do _anything_ for you," Finn was on his knees, holding Kurt's wet hand on the edge of the bath tub.

"Okay."

"It's senior year after this summer and I'll never have to see half of that stupid school ever again – I want to be with you in front of them all, show them how fearless we are. Then we'll go to New York, I'll get a job or something if I don't get in to college and we can just be – you and me, like we've always wanted."

"Okay," Kurt repeated knowing Finn had missed it the first time.

Finn blinked and frowned, searching for something in Kurt's eyes. "What?"

"Okay, I said okay," Kurt smiled. "Let's do it, all of it. I want it."

"What?"

"Finn, you heard me," Kurt laughed breathlessly.

"But you can't break it off with Blaine, he just told you he loved you!"

"But I want you and sometimes you just have to be selfish and do what you want – if you know you'll be happier," Kurt stroked Finn's cheek and brushed at his hair.

"Kurt, you don't have to do this; we can wait," Finn felt guilty, so guilty.

He didn't mean to go off on one about how he felt, he'd never really spoken of it but he knew he was ready and he knew he was strong enough to face everything he fear earlier in the year. He knew they were strong enough. They'd survived this, after all, and a few homophobes and misunderstood people wouldn't be able to bring them down or break them apart. And that, that was what gave Finn to confidence to take a chance with Kurt – right then – but now he felt so bad.

Had he just encouraged Kurt to break it off with Blaine, without knowing so? Finn didn't stand for that, hell even though it didn't make sense he rooted for Kurt and Blaine. It should've been Kurt's choice when he'd finish with Blaine – not Finn's. When he said so however, Kurt simply replied with:

"It was my choice. You are my choice, you always were," Kurt kissed him delicately. "You always will be."

"But Kurt –"

"You and I, Finn," Kurt smiled. "I see it now, I see everything now. I kept thinking there was a competition, a complication but really there wasn't. Like Rachel said, you'd win over anything."

"Kurt, I love you but I don't want you to do anything stupid."

"Finn, I'm giving myself to you why aren't you happy about it?" Kurt frowned.

"We've been at this for so long and I'm only just starting to feel guilt, like real proper guilt," Finn laughed darkly, starring at the now-cold bath water.

"Don't, you have nothing to feel guilty for Finn. Remember? I'm the one who started this," Kurt smiled sadly, still stroking at Finn's face.

"But I loved you just as much," Finn mumbled.

"Sometimes that's all that matters," Kurt reached forward, taking Finn's lips with his own.

In the morning when the two woke up next to each other, once again, Kurt whispered:

"I'm going to break it off with Blaine."

And for the first time, Finn smiled at the idea.


	4. Powerless

Warning: this chapter has spoilers from like no where, it's set in summer before their senior year. There are refereces to sex and stuff (like the word cock, ehe.) Although this isn't as M rating as some may have hoped, I didn't want to risk it at having it rated as T. Terribly sorry, though if you find yourself dissappointed.

Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't, in fact, break it off with Blaine.<p>

It sucked.

He was meaning to but Blaine charmed him into talking about something different. He knew Blaine felt the tension – the negative tension – between them but was just choosing to ignore it. Both he and Blaine knew that they wouldn't last, both of them felt it. Kurt blamed himself – obviously.

When they made out, Kurt was never into it as much as he was in the beginning and failed every time to get hard. Blaine also, never got hard enough to do anything or have anything done to him. They were both just too afraid to end with one another in case the other didn't feel the same way.

Being each other's first boyfriends didn't help either – plunging them into the unknown and never knowing if something was in the 'rules' of dating.

They had both fallen into the 'friend zone' while they were together, as the days went on Kurt saw Blaine as more of a best friend – as did Blaine with Kurt. They kissed less and talked more, going on shopping trips and for many moments forgetting they were actually in a relationship together. As summer approached Kurt noticed Blaine's absence from their relationship more than ever. It wasn't just the fact that Six Flags had wanted him to stay all summer; compared to the original half-summer contract he had.

But Blaine didn't mind, the fact that he'd have some distance from Kurt was possibly a good thing. He knew that Kurt smiled less brightly around Blaine and his eyes always looked worried and unenthusiastic. Blaine was a little heartbroken at the sight, it hurt him – knowing something was obviously wrong but whenever he asked Kurt just brushed it off. Blaine knew better, he knew Kurt was lying and that something was bugging him – he just didn't know what.

So maybe, this summer mostly apart would help Kurt out of his funk and hopefully Blaine's mind would be cleared from all the worry and paranoia that he'd done something wrong. He didn't want this to end with Kurt, not at all – because he loved Kurt and thought he was amazing. But maybe everything had happened so fast and although Kurt and Blaine were both desperate for boyfriends it didn't necessarily mean they were ready for everything that came with it.

The day Blaine left for Six Flags was a strange day, he had slept at Kurt's the night before because it was easier and he just wanted to spend the night with Kurt. Kurt waved him off in the morning, kissing him forcefully – almost like a goodbye, a real-I'll-never-see-you-again goodbye – and Blaine kissed back before hugging him tightly. Both he and Finn followed Blaine's car out the driveway and watched him pull away, as Blaine glanced back in the rear-view mirror he saw Kurt almost collapse into Finn's arms. Finn bending down to lightly brush a kiss to his head.

* * *

><p>The Hummel-Hudson's were going away for ten days in the second week of summer – to Florida and Finn was positively resembling a nine year old which only got on everyone's nerves as they boarded the plane. Believe it or not, Finn was far from adorable and the fact that he didn't fit in the plane seat due to his long legs soon got annoying with all his god damn fidgeting.<p>

He got a few elbows in the ribs from Kurt.

He deserved it.

The hotel was brilliant, decorated with African dark wood and tribal vibes seeped from every corner. It wasn't Kurt's usual taste but he fell in love with the decor almost immediately, glancing around and taking everything in with complete awe. His second holiday in his life and he was in a five star hotel that felt like home instantly. He squealed a little, and bounced on the balls of his feet beside Finn who was shamelessly doing the same. Carole mentioned something about how she was sure they were secretly long lost brothers.

Kurt passed it off with a blush because erm, dear god, he hoped not.

He almost missed the young girl at the check in mention that they had booked two rooms, but he didn't and his ears pricked and came to attention almost immediately. Kurt looked at Finn with wide eyes because they had readied themselves that they wouldn't be able to 'get together' for the ten days due to the shared room. But now, Kurt's mind was going crazy with things they could do without their parents in the same room. Granted they were next door, but this was a five star hotel surely the walls weren't that thin.

And dear, god, Kurt thought, when had he got so horny and dependant on Finn's dick. He felt a stab at this chest because he knew that thought should've been about Blaine. But Blaine wasn't here – that's part of the point of this vacation – there's no Blaine, just him and Finn. He can happily be with Finn because somehow being in a different bed and a different fucking state meant that the cheating thing wasn't that much of a big deal. Like when one was drunk.

Well, that's how Kurt saw it.

So if Carole saw the sly smile the two of them shared at the sudden news, she didn't mention or question it, just simply said 'you boys have fun.'

Kurt felt bad, he did, that he was having the time of his life in Florida with Finn, with his family and that he had temporarily forgotten about Blaine. He knew he was a terrible boyfriend and as time, and weeks progressed he'd learned to accept that. It wasn't that he didn't care anymore; he was just immune to feeling incredibly guilty. Only a little guilty, now a days.

The most guilt he felt was about promising to break up with Blaine and then not doing so. He knew Finn was putting on a brave face every day that he saw them together and that killed Kurt more than anything. He knew then that Finn was the one. If he felt guilty about _not_ breaking up with his boyfriend for Finn but he didn't feel guilty about happily letting Finn go down on him, while thrusting three fingers into him even though he had a boyfriend – he seriously had some love issues there.

* * *

><p>It was on the third night when Kurt found himself panting into Finn's chest and clutching at his skin while trying to gain control of his body. Finn pulled him closer, Kurt only grunting at the aching in his backside and the fact that he'd rather not put his face there because it was covered in his own come. Nice.<p>

He felt like a complete whore – not because he'd just lost his virginity to his step-brother rather than his actual boyfriend, not because it shouldn't have happened, not because he just committed the ultimate sexual sin – but because his ass was now empty and he hated that feeling. Something that was once so full and made him feel absolutely amazing was now gone and Kurt hated it. He moaned at the memory to be rewarded with Finn laughing at him.

"Shut up," he murmured and kissed Finn's skin, wherever it was on his body – it was near Kurt's mouth and he was too boneless to even care.

"Are you alright?" Finn asked after a few silent minutes of just panting and comfortableness. He trailed his fingers down Kurt's back, stroking at the base of his spine.

"Brilliant!" Kurt shouted to the ceiling making Finn smile in complete admiration.

"You sure?"

"If you're trying to make me feel guilty then it won't work," Kurt said sternly. "I've just lost my virginity to you – who might I add I love like a seriously big amount – and I feel fantastic. Maybe a little sore but I'm sure that I'll get used to it," Kurt shrugged as he settled back against Finn's chest.

"Ah, so you're saying that we'll be doing this again?" Finn raised an eyebrow.

"Do you even need to ask that question?"

"I'll take that as a yes," Finn leaned down for a soft and lazy kiss.

They snuggled up to each other, memorising their naked bodies once again like it was a lesson to relearn simply because they were that important to each other. Finn was happy, the happiest he's been in a while, and this was what he wanted. To give Kurt something no one else could – his heart, his body, his mind and his soul. They were way too deep to back out of this now; even if all hell broke loose Finn knew nothing would pull them apart.

Things had tried and nothing had succeeded yet.

They were each other's tethers; they would always be pulled together – whether they spent the rest of their lives together or not. But the future was too far away, fuck the future. They were living now and right now Finn was happy. He was definitely going to count this as his first time, fuck Santana. Well he did but that was beside the point. Okay he'd just had sex with Kurt he wasn't really in the right state of mind to start making sense.

Kurt was breathing softly against him and he smiled, shuffling closer and wrapping him up in his naked arms, like he did almost every night. Finn enjoyed the soft sleepy sounds and moans that always came from Kurt's mouth and followed into sleep shortly after.

The following day Kurt and Finn were sending each other secret smiled across the breakfast table and whenever they could, they'd secretly hold hands and brush at each other's knuckles and then when no one was looking, Finn would reach down and capture Kurt's soft lips with his own and fall in love all over again. It was a thrill, knowing they shared something more now, something that felt tangible but at the same time it was something they couldn't hold.

They had something that the world didn't know, no one but them knew and it was an amazing rush. Every look and touch meant more to them that it did to the naked eye of a stranger.

The days were spent enjoying everything the beautiful state had to offer, enjoyed feeling like a nine year old again with no worries and no cares. Nothing but love that made up their whole mass, because that's what's being a kid is all about, right? Loving everything and everyone without knowing how powerful love itself can be, because you're young and the end of life seems so far away – a million years away – and all the hardship of life doesn't measure up to the amount of love and misguided trust in one's heart. The pure simplicity and unquestioned idea that a child can love a stuff teddy bear with the same amount of love they have for their mother.

No one questioned it and right in that moment Kurt needed to feel like that.

The nights were spent huddled close after being their closest, deep inside Kurt and loving him from the inside out. Whispering words and holding him, telling him to let go because Finn was there, Finn would always be there to catch him. That's what happens when you're in love, when you love someone more than you love yourself – you promise them your everything. When they fall from their highest high you hold them, never let them go and when they're sure, you release your hold just a little but not enough to make them feel alone. When they climb from their lowest low you hold their hand, you pull them up and wrap your arms around them to know they'll never fall that low again. Not whilst you're around.

"You know, I think I have a new favourite place," Finn muttered while kneading one of Kurt's butt cheeks in a surprisingly nice massage.

"My asshole?" Kurt asked sceptically, eyebrow raised high judgementally.

"... no?"

"That was possibly the worst, most unromantic and vulgar thing anyone has said to me," Kurt concluded. "But apart from that, I don't have much else to argue against you with."

"That's because I'm awesome."

"So you've said many times today," Kurt giggled.

"You know what else is awesome though?" Finn smirked and reached down between them to lightly trail his finger tips over Kurt's flaccid cock. "This."

"Well, that I can agree with," Kurt smiled and blushed a little at how his breath hitched and cock twitched at Finn's actions.

"It's hard to believe you were once so against sex, man," Finn laughed under his breath, planting a kiss to Kurt's nose.

"I think it depends on who it's with," Kurt answered seriously, knowing the following conversation that would stem from it.

"So you wouldn't do this with Blaine?"

Kurt sighed, he'd tried his very best to keep Blaine out of their after-sex conversations.

"I don't know," Kurt shrugged and focused his gaze on the ceiling. Waving his hand between the pair of them he said, "Part of me thinks even if _we_ never happened, Blaine and I wouldn't ever get very far. But since you and I are happening I can barely get hard from making out with him and it would just be uncomfortable if we had sex," Kurt shuddered discreetly at the thought.

It wasn't that he was opposed; it would just feel like he was having sex with Rachel or something. It wouldn't be romantic, it would satisfy him – yes but it wouldn't mean anything other than friends helping friends out. It hit Kurt then that he had really fucked things up with Blaine and even if there was a small chance of getting back to normal it was completely ruined now. Something pulled at Kurt's chest, it wasn't guilt or anything of the sort; just a settling sadness that he may have lost something important.

This is why he hated bring Blaine up.

"Can we stop talking about him now, please?" Kurt mumbled, close to tears.

Finn shifted and shuffled lower in the bed, engulfing Kurt in his arms and sharing their warmth. He whispered his apologies and kissed Kurt's hair, stroking at his back and soothing him into sleep. Tomorrow they were leaving, going back to Lima where everything would all feel very real and they'd have to be adults. They'd have to hide and lie but most of all they'd have to get used to hurting all over again. Finn was dreading it, knowing that he'd had Kurt in every possible way almost every night and then having to go back to flittering around each other.

It sucked.

* * *

><p>"Kurt, you're practically glowing this morning!" Carole cooed as Finn and Kurt emerged from their room and arrived in the hotel's lobby; suitcases trailing behind.<p>

"Florida sun must've been good to me then," Kurt smiled as Finn wrapped an arm around his shoulder, then realised and dropped it immediately.

Carole smiled knowingly but didn't say anything and walked away to Burt so they could check out. Finn and Kurt shared a worried luck but it was Finn's infamous shrug that made Kurt realise everything would be fine.

Carole didn't mention anything about the boys' relationship, even though she knew something was going on between them. She had been meaning to hint to Kurt that maybe ending things with Blaine sooner than later would be best, but that would imply she knew about them – even though they were a little more than obvious – and that wouldn't settle well with the boys or Burt ("you're my wife, if you had concerns we should've discussed them").

She simply ignored (and tried to forget) the noises that travelled from the room next door, the banging of the headboard through the wall; and the hickey that was bold against Kurt's porcelain hip bone, the scratches across Finn's shoulder blades. The reason why she was so close to her son was because she let him be, let him express himself through whatever means and wouldn't interfere; and that's why she simply stayed quiet and let them do their own thing.

Carole only cooed inwardly when she glanced across the plane's width and found the two of them fast asleep – arm rest in the middle pushed upwards and out of the way, Kurt's head on the join between Finn's arm and his chest, his arm thrown lazily but gripping tightly at Finn's shirt. Kurt was turned away from Carole, resting completely on Finn's body; one leg neatly settled between her son's as Finn's hand trailed repeated up and down Kurt's stretched thigh.

It was rather adorable and her heart swelled so much she felt like it was going to seep out of her chest. She turned to Burt and smiled before turning back and seeing Kurt shift closer to Finn, as if it were possible to get any closer. The closeness was so unsatisfying and never enough. She let her eyes shut sleepily at the sound of Finn's light and equally as sleepy moan escape from his throat and Kurt's leg shifted and his head buried closer into Finn's neck.

* * *

><p>"How's the lemonade coming?"<p>

"I gotta say, it's awesome!" Kurt beamed at Finn as he came through into the kitchen from the hot sun and excruciating heat.

They had invited everyone over for a summer party, complete with a BBQ, homemade lemonade, some alcohol (thanks Puckerman!) and their recently-bought above ground swimming pool which happily took over the majority of the garden. The deck was dressed with sun beds and chairs, towels and various empty bright coloured cups. The girls were in bikinis and swimwear, towels wrapped around them after they emerged from the pool.

Puck and Sam were constantly flexing their arms in competition, trying to outdo each other in playfulness while Santana made googly eyes and Brittany and tried to get her into the pool for some snuggling.

"How're you holding up?" Kurt asked as he dropped some fresh lemon slices into the jug. "Rachel's kind of been staring at you longingly for the past half hour."

Finn sighed while Kurt giggled under his breath and made way to the fridge to get some ice. Finn watched him with sadness in his eyes and maybe a little guilt at how they were naive enough to think that this would all get easier.

"I don't know why she's bothering, she knows how I feel about her and... you know," Finn shrugged and trailed off, taking heavy interest in the lemon pips on the chopping board.

"I know Finn," Kurt tried to hold back his sigh. "But the heart wants what the heart wants – you and I know that."

Kurt's small and apologetic smile warmed the room somehow. Finn smiled back just as sadly, holding the jug out for Kurt to drop the ice in. He did it one by one, cube by cube – wasting time with their friends, but spoiling and gaining time with each other. Kurt smirked at Finn and shook his head knowingly, he peeked out the kitchen window to see what the rest of the group was doing – and when he saw the coast was clear he rolled onto his tiptoes and quickly pecked Finn on his lips.

"You're terrible," Kurt giggled.

Finn smiled as Kurt moved away to grab some spare plastic cups and cradled them in his arms like a small child while Finn clung to the heavier-than-he-thought jug. "You're really cute when you giggle."

Finn bit his lip as soon as he said it, knowing that now was not the time and he really shouldn't have said that – what if someone was listening.

Kurt giggled at it though and strolled out the kitchen, looking over his shoulder seductively at Finn – a slight smirk tugging at his lips. As soon as the humid air hit him and the sun warmed his skin and the sounds of his friends entered his ears, he realised the reality of it all. He really needed to break this off with Blaine. Soon. This was beginning to be too much, all the love and contentment suddenly bombarded by guilt and aching regret and sorrow. Kurt passed the cups around; when he reached Blaine he kissed him lightly and smiled before moving on.

The afternoon passed with singing and talking and endless laughing and the overwhelming feeling of family. The love, the beaming smiles and the warm eyes surrounded everyone – this was summer, a time for friends and love and spontaneous things with never ending possibilities. The music blaring out from someone's iPod dock sent a vibe of happiness through them all at one point and made Santana jump up from her sprawled out position on the deck and pull Brittany and Quinn up onto their feet. Singing out the words to various Ke$ha songs and grinding their hips, dragging everyone up on their feet to dance on the centre of the lawn.

It lasted a while, everyone working up a sweat and if Finn danced a little closer to Kurt than he probably should've done, no one said anything. Blaine was planting kisses on Kurt's shoulder as they rocked together, Rachel joining them, grinding back on Kurt – which surprisingly Kurt didn't mind. But he was getting hot and sweaty and he stank of sun cream, his hair was flopping and losing its stance making everything all a little too much. When he looked over at Finn who was 'dancing' with Brittany, Kurt just wanted to run over and be held.

He hated this, this yearning and questioned it daily – why did he feel like this? So strongly, it was such a strong pull that it made him feel weak and unable to do anything but curl up against Finn's chest. Screw everything and everyone. This was summer. The summer before senior year and he'd never have to be in this town again after it, never have to see that bitchy check out woman who gave him disapproving looks. And even though he felt so guilty and such a downright disgusting and ungrateful piece of shit for thinking it: he'd never _have_ to see Blaine again if he didn't want.

But no, he wanted Blaine as a friend. Just not as a boyfriend – that was the anger and confusion talking. He couldn't hate Blaine if he tried – granted he could hate Blaine's obliviousness but not Blaine himself. Kurt mumbled something about the pool, his thoughts too deep to even realise he said anything.

"Dunking time!" Puck shouted out, pumping his fist into the air.

"Grab someone to dunk," Santana laughed and downed the rest of her wine cooler before running over to Blaine and picking him up over her shoulder.

"Shit, you're stronger than I thought," Blaine whimpered as he tried to trust himself on Santana's shoulder.

Puck ran and grabbed Rachel, hurling her over his shoulder and ignoring her screams and pounds and 'Puck, so help me's. Everyone giggled and Mike picked up Tina and Sam ran to pick up Brittany, leaving Quinn to run away giggling from Mercedes and Lauren. Kurt tried to sneak off, he did, but Finn caught him by the hips from behind and dragged him backwards.

He was pressed flush against Finn's chest, feeling it expand with his breaths against his back. He remembered the night before last and how much that moment mirrored it – but in a completely different and PG way. Finn's fingers pressed against the bruise that was well hidden on his hip thanks to his shorts but the slight whimper that escape didn't go unnoticed by Finn. He whispered an apology, loosening his grip resulting in Kurt giggling and running away.

"That's cheating!" Finn shouted after him and bound around the garden, tackling Kurt to the ground.

Kurt began to struggle under Finn's weight, laughing and snorting. Finn smiled goofily down at Kurt, the love burning in his eyes and his mind telling him over and over not to kiss Kurt, don't kiss him, don't even hint. You're brothers right now, nothing else. This is brotherly love and playfulness. Don't blow this, Finn.

"Get off me, Gigantor!"

"Okay, okay," Finn held his hands up in surrender and climbed off of Kurt, allowing him to stand.

As soon as Kurt got to his feet, Finn charged – throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him to the side of the pool. Kurt wailed and kicked but all of it filled with laughter and love. Mercedes sniggered at them and Puck counted down from five to one throwing Rachel into the pool despite her threats. Everyone followed; the victim's squeals suffocated by the water, making them gurgle and swallow way too much water. Rachel and Quinn began grabbing at people's feet from the water, trying the drag them in as well.

Blaine swam to the side to get out and throw himself at Santana, ignoring her excuses in Spanish and answering back just as threateningly. Blaine giggled, childishly, as he threw Santana in, following after her and splashing. Kurt shook his head to free the water from his ear – Finn was going to pay – and swam to the side with the metallic steps. He rested there, peacefully until Finn sat down beside him and ran his hands through Kurt's wet and chlorine smelling hair.

"Don't even pet me like a dog, Finn," Kurt shoved him playfully. "You're paying for that."

"We should totally get a dog though," Finn trailed off, looking hopefully at the water as if it would magically turn in a dog.

"What? So you could teach it how to swim?"

"It'd be more fun than playing with you in the pool," Finn pouted.

"I told you I didn't want to get wet above the waist today and what did you do?"

"Lame," Finn replied simply.

"Huh?"

"You're so lame."

Kurt snorted a laugh and shoved Finn's shoulder again lightly, letting his hand linger on Finn's warm, dry skin. He had freckles on his shoulder that trailed all the way down his arms, like a dot-to-dot puzzle. Kurt could and would spend hours tracing them from one to the other with his finger tips, his nails or his tongue; kissing them like they were neglected. Finn would shiver at the light touches and his skin would burst into goosebumps.

Kurt shook his head again, pulling himself from his memories and imagination to see Blaine swimming over to them with Brittany pouting and calling him to come back and make out with him. Kurt frowned at the girl but trained his focus on Blaine.

"You okay?" Blaine asked kindly, his chin dipping into the water.

"Yeah, just didn't want to get my hair wet," Kurt pouted and punched Finn for laughing beside him.

Blaine smiled fondly and placed his chin on Kurt's knee. "Are you going to come back in?"

"No, never again. All pool adventures have been ruined forever."

"Oh come on," Blaine smiled widely, tugging at Kurt's legs. "Don't be like that."

"No."

"But it's warm and you don't even have to go under again," Blaine tried to encourage him.

Kurt narrowed his eyes at Blaine and sighed, agreeing only on the agreement that he'll join them in his own time. Blaine smiled, nodded and leaned for a kiss; Kurt complied and pushed him back under afterwards, laughing at Blaine's splashes. Kurt got up from the side of the pool and made his way over to the snack table to shove a handful of chips into his mouth because sometimes he just needed to fill up on carbs. He munched innocently on some cucumber and carrot sticks, wishing he had some dip to make it better.

No, seriously, he really could do with some dip or something. He let his mind wander, thinking of all the dips he could've been having with it right now because it was like lightest and least guilt ridden thought he could have. That was until Finn joined him and copied his earlier actions by shoving endless handfuls of chips into his mouth and munching loudly with a smug smile on his face.

"Stop being so smug!"

"Oh come on, Kurt, it was just a joke," Finn laughed and bound over, placing his hand on Kurt's lower back before removing it so quickly it was almost as if something bit him.

"I know, I know," Kurt smiled sadly, trying not to notice Finn's sudden movement.

Kurt smiled and turned around to watch everyone else and to draw himself away from Finn's eyes, he saw Puck run over – dripping wet – with Rachel shouting unlikely profanities at him from behind. Puck's mischievous smile made Kurt roll his eyes and then smack his hand over his mouth as Puck did the unthinkable.

He ran at Finn – Finn being his oblivious Finn-ish self – who was smiling and happy to see his buddy. That changed though, so quickly. Puck ran faster and yanked on Finn's trunks as soon as he reached him.

Finn was unaware of what just happened. He heard Kurt gasp beside him, Puck's snigger and Rachel's "Oh!" – only then did he hear Santana shout "Wanky!"

He felt a cool breeze hit the tops of his thighs and looked down slowly, his eyes squinted in hope that his junk hadn't just been shown to the whole entire glee club – and Blaine. His hoping was for nothing, there it was – his dick on show with his swimming trunks pulled to mid-thigh. Oh sweet baby Jesus.

"Either use it or put it away, Frankenteen!" Santana shouted, pulling Brittany between her legs from the side of the pool.

"Er – you should – you know," Kurt stuttered from the side and waved his hands in the general area of Finn's junk.

He grunted and pulled his trunks up in an instant, it all settling in and the shock hitting him. Finn muttered an excuse and shuffled into the kitchen, Kurt glancing at the party going back to normal before following him at a quick pace.

"Oh God, Finn are you okay?"

"Er – can you ask me later when I'm not shaking," Finn forced a smile and relaxed against the counter.

"I'm so sorry that happened."

"Why are you sorry – you didn't do it, did you?" Finn's expression suddenly filled with worry, because Kurt was super lame if he had told Puck to do that.

"No! No, do you think I would? I'm sure it was probably Lauren or Satan," Kurt shrugged and handed Finn a can of beer, hoping it would calm his nerves.

"You hate beer," Finn murmured.

"I know," Kurt looked confused, thrusting the can again. "That's why I'm offering it to you."

"But I want to cuddle with you tonight, I can't if I have that," Finn whispered and looked down at the floor.

Oh. Kurt smiled – how was Finn that sweet? He felt the urge to just take Finn by the waist and kiss him until his lips were too sensitive and too swollen to have control over anymore. He wanted to bury his face in Finn's broad and ever warm chest, listening to his heart and the air entering his lungs. He knew he couldn't but he could marvel in the memories of doing just that. Kurt stepped forward, dropping the can onto the counter and reached for Finn's waistband.

"Kurt," Finn warned, looking around the room.

"Oh hush, I'm not that obsessed with your junk," Kurt smiled and giggled again like earlier. "I just don't want it to happen again."

Kurt pulled on the rope toggles and tied them together; his hands working determinedly and delicately to tie a neat and perfect bow. Finn's skin lit up and burnt with every light brush of Kurt's knuckles against his abdomen and all he wanted right then was to run away with him. He saw Kurt nod at his own achievement with tying the bow and smiled up at the taller boy; his eyes sparkling and burst with emotion. Finn's breathing was getting a little shallow, desperately telling him not to lean down and kiss Kurt.

Kurt rolled onto the balls of his feet, lifting him a little higher and began closing the gap – his eyes shutting blissfully at the scent of Finn. His fingers still resting in the loops of his neat bow, he leaned up a little further, welcoming Finn's hands to his bare hips. Finn swooped down a little quick before he was hit by the scent of Kurt and the carrot on his breath before moving one hand to cup Kurt's face and guide him –

"Kurt? Where have you gone?"

Blaine's voice. Blaine. Shit.

Kurt pulled away from Finn, his hands still tangled in the loops of the rope and looked at Blaine with wide eyes. He felt his face gain blood; he could feel the heat and guilt just seeping from his body. Blaine just stood there, blinking and being Blaine. Dump me, Kurt thought before shaking his head. It was tense and awkward and the room felt like it had just fallen in on them all and God, Kurt's heart was high on something. Unsure of whether to beat fast because of Finn or dropped to his stomach because his boyfriend just walked in – at that moment, it was doing both and making Kurt feel sick.

"Sam never taught me how to tie my laces," Finn said calmly, like none of this had actually happened.

His voice got the two boys to stop staring at each other and wake up from their thoughts, glancing at Finn and his bashful expression. "What?" Blaine whispered.

"Mr Schue taught Sam how to tie his laces and Sam said he'd teach me but then I cheated with Quinn and I think it broke the deal, so I never learnt how to," Finn looked at Kurt briefly before looking back at Blaine. "Kurt always helps me in the morning."

"Or you wear Velcro shoes," Kurt smiled.

"Hey! Velcro shoes aren't just for seven year olds!"

"No, you're right. I'm pretty sure I saw Mrs Griffiths, the eighty two year old woman who insists on tutting at me whenever I decide to buy two or three bottles of moisturiser at the same time."

"Dude, whatever," Finn huffed and moved to the fridge to get the left over pasta from the other night out and shove it into his mouth.

Kurt snorted and turned to Blaine, feeling it was safe now and the tension had been lifted if only slightly. Blaine was smiling but it didn't quite reach his eyes and Kurt knew why, but either way life must go on and he reached for Blaine's hand.

"Pool?" Kurt asked calmly and Blaine nodded despite the voice in his head.

* * *

><p>"Finn, I honestly don't care if you buy light or full fat whipped cream."<p>

_"I need to know, Kurt! Light or not?"_

"Finn, I don't care. I'm not going to be putting it anywhere near my mouth, light or not it's still bad for my hips."

_"Shut up, you have gorgeous hips."_

"Charming."

_"I can hear you smiling. Dude, seriously I'm just gonna get full fat if you don't chose."_

"Why do you want me to pick one so badly, I'm sure you can make that decision by yourself?"

_"I can, but we're both going to be eating it and you care more than I do."_

"Er, not I'm not. I am definitely not."

_"What if I told you that you'd be eating it off of me?"_

"Ooh, well now I'm interested – do tell."

_"Dude, I'm kidding. Mom left me to do dessert tonight – now pick!"_

"Finn, don't ever tease me with licking cream off – Blaine?"

"_Blaine? I didn't bro, I said me!_"

_"_No Finn, I didn't mean that. I've gotta go._"_

_"What, why?"_

"Blaine's here," Kurt deadpanned as he entered his room, shoved his bag to the side and saw Blaine sat on the centre on his bed fiddling with the comforter.

_"Cockblock."_

"Finn, shut up. I'll ring you back," Kurt snapped and hung up, walking over to the bed, his heart pounding like some kind of 808 drum.

The room was tense, so tense – and heavy. God Kurt felt like he was in a police room, with that mirror that everyone knows is a window so it's super pointless – just put a window there – staring at him. He glanced around the room to check for cameras/mirrored windows before looking at Blaine sat on his bed, looking at him.

"Hi," Kurt spoke, his throat dry.

"Hi," Blaine replied incredibly sadly.

"You haven't called me or text me in five days," Kurt spoke up, looking down at the floor feeling unwelcome in his own room.

"I was thinking about some things."

Oh, Kurt thought. He wanted to move forward, to sit on his own damn bed but he couldn't – if Blaine had been thinking about things then he probably needed space. He headed over to his vanity chair and pulled it over before sitting tense.

"What – what kind of things?"

"I'm sure you know, Kurt. Don't be dumb, please," Blaine was begging.

"I'm not," Kurt whispered.

Blaine shuffled on the bed as Kurt looked down at the floor in shame, answering all the questions Blaine had with that very position. Blaine reached under the pillow and pulled out what he'd found in Kurt's draw – maybe that was wrong but surely if Kurt had been with someone else then it didn't really seem that bad. Kurt with someone else – Kurt the most loyal and compassionate person he'd ever met, with someone else. Blaine shook his head to rid the thought and spread the stuff out on the bed.

"Was any of this for me? Or for him?" Blaine spoke calmly and quietly, ridding his voice of bitterness and anger; only a hint of hurt tainted the words.

Kurt looked up to see what Blaine was talking about; his heart stopped when he saw the bottle of lubricant and a trail of condoms still in their silver foil packaging. His heart sank and stopped working Kurt was sure. Blaine had been through his stuff, but that wasn't what Kurt was focusing on. Oh shit, fuck, this was it.

Kurt sighed and side eyed his book case, not wanting to answer the question; really not wanting to answer the question. He felt the warmth of tears teasing his eyes, tempted to just drop down his cheeks. What was he to say? It's not you, it's me? God, Kurt wasn't built for this.

Why did he even do it in the first place? Finn Fucking Hudson, let's blame it on him. Sure.

"I – Blaine," Kurt stuttered, his voice wavering and failing him in general.

Blaine sighed and pushed the stuff away from him, shuffling again on the bed to face Kurt fully and stare at him in silence. Kurt could feel Blaine's eyes on him, making him cold and self conscious and he hated it, wanted to curl in on himself. Blaine's mouth opened and closed for a few seconds, not sure which of his many questions – his painful questions – to ask.

"Do you love him?" Blaine finally came out with, followed by a whispered: "Finn?"

Kurt's mouth opened to answer but when Blaine said his name he looked up in confusion. He knew? How did he know? Was it that obvious?

"I. H-how did you know?" Kurt whispered.

"Guessed."

"Oh."

The silence fell again, Kurt knowing Blaine was waiting for an answer to his original question but he couldn't bring himself do it. Of course he couldn't, this was Blaine. Blaine! He loved Blaine, he cared for Blaine, Blaine was his best friend. A thought trickled into his mind, something his mother said when he was younger; when he admitted in a whisper that it was him who engraved Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang lyrics on their dining room table. _I speak so quietly because the truth will always be so loud. _

"Very much. I love him very much." Kurt's voice was barely above a whisper.

"And what of us?"

"I love you too," Kurt sobbed and wiped his eyes, not sure when he'd started crying.

"Kurt," Blaine started, a warning tone in his voice.

"I do Blaine, I know it's hard to believe me right now but Blaine," Kurt's voice broke then, making the remaining words crackle and fall roughly from his lips. "I do."

Blaine rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his palms, groaning slightly and sniffling. The silence was less uncomfortable now, Kurt couldn't place why. Still, Kurt felt the need to clear his name, to carrying on talking even though maybe he shouldn't.

"Blaine, you have to know I care about you, and love you and you're my best friend and –"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Blaine interrupted, shutting Kurt up.

Kurt frowned not understanding the question – did Blaine mean about Finn? Or about being his best friend? Or his... cheating? How many people actually admitted to their partner they cheated? Talked to them constructively about it? Kurt was pretty new to relationships but he knew that didn't happen; and if it did, how strange. Maybe in an open relationship, but Kurt had never been in one of them and he was positive his and Blaine's relationship wasn't an open one.

"We've always been honest with each other Kurt," Blaine continued. "You were the one who pointed that out," Blaine smiled and laughed breathlessly. "If you didn't feel something, you could've talked to me about it; even if it was an awkward conversation Kurt, we've dealt with them before. If you still had feelings for Finn, you could've – should've – told me and we'd work around them or whatever – you didn't have to sneak about with him Kurt."

"I didn't want to hurt you," Kurt mumbled, pulled at the skin beside his nails, hoping everything would just go away.

"And you thought sneaking about, cheating on me and hoping I wouldn't find out wouldn't hurt me? You thought that because I had to piece everything together on my own it wouldn't hurt as much?" Blaine bit back, regretting it straight away – he didn't want to argue – and sighed, rubbing his eyes again.

"I know, I know," Kurt held his hand up, making Blaine stop. "But you felt it too and you didn't say anything, you carried on even though you were piecing things together; shouldn't you have said something if you thought it?"

Blaine fell silent, as did Kurt; the only sound that travelled through the house was the sound of the front door opening. Kurt knew it would be Finn but he was sure Blaine wouldn't assume since he looked like he hadn't even noticed. His eyes were filled with sadness and betrayal and loneliness. Kurt had never seen Blaine look like that before.

"I'm sorry."

"You're not, Kurt."

"Don't. Don't even say that Blaine, because you know I am."

"Why did you do it?" Blaine asked after a minute.

"It just... happened," Kurt shrugged.

"Was I ever on your mind? Did I even affect what you were doing with him?"

Kurt stayed quiet for a while before whispering softly: "Every time."

"Then it didn't just happen. If it just happened, Kurt, I wouldn't have been on your mind at all. If you love him like you say you do, I shouldn't be angry at you."

Kurt looked up then, confused and worried at the strange turn. Paranoia set in. What happens if Blaine wanted to soften him up before breaking him down, physically and mentally or if his kind attitude and understanding words were just to eat away at Kurt's conscience until he finally offed himself.

"What?"

"Kurt, I am angry yes, and hurt and upset and I'm feeling a little betrayed to be honest but the one thing you've taught me is how to be romantic – remember how I was never any good at that?"

"I thought you were," Kurt muttered quietly, earning a sad smile from Blaine from the bed.

"I can't keep you from him because I know if I was told to stay away from you I couldn't – not even if I tried. I think you have that with Finn and you can try and deny it if you want but you wouldn't have continued this thing with him – risking being caught and hurting me – if you didn't feel something that strong."

"Blaine, I didn't mean – I didn't _want_ to hurt you. That's not what I want, never ever," Kurt stood up and sat next to Blaine, reaching for his hand.

"But you did and I know you wouldn't do it if it wasn't worth it," Blaine smiled sadly again, squeezing Kurt's hand.

"I'm sorry," Kurt flung his arms around Blaine's neck, clutching onto his loose hair and smelling his skin for what could be the last time.

Tears started to roll down his cheeks and hit the side of Blaine's neck, right where Kurt's head was buried.

"Me too," Blaine sobbed.

* * *

><p>"When did it happen?"<p>

They were strewn across the bed, Blaine's head resting on the pillows and Kurt's nuzzled into his chest. They'd finished crying and shouting when the anger finally over took them, Kurt had pushed Blaine away from him at one point because he was too intense and he just didn't understand that Kurt did feel guilty most of the time. It settled down though, after that, nothing left but tiredness and they'd both fallen on the bed.

Kurt continued to apologise in the silences the followed as they lay next to each other staring at the ceiling. Eventually Blaine told him to shut up with a smile and pulled him over to rest on his chest. Kurt didn't feel weird or wrong, like he had done the past months; it felt right then. Pillowed on Blaine's rising and falling chest as someone he trusted and loved. They had officially 'broken up' just before Kurt pushed Blaine, and it was strange and eerily odd how light the room felt.

"The day after my dad's heart attack," Kurt whispered, his voice never getting higher. "I was slushied on the way home and just burst through the door crying, Finn was the only one home. He helped me get clean and then I just cried in a ball on the bed and he came over and held me the whole night."

Blaine's grip tightened a little when he thought of Kurt crying; he hated seeing Kurt so upset. But something light lifted off his chest when he realised for the first time since they're argument that it didn't start as something sleazy and something Blaine should've been angry about. Kurt was just being cared for by his brother, that's how this all started. He wiggled closer to Kurt's warmth at the feeling.

"It went from there, we both started liking each other more and more but I knew he was just being an overly loving brother so I didn't get my hopes up. Then I met you and I thought everything would be fine; I wouldn't need him anymore because I had you but it just got harder." Kurt sighed, his voice shaking as he told the story calmly and properly for the first time.

"After Jane's funeral he kissed me in the park and it was everything I wanted, and everything I didn't want because I knew I – we – wouldn't be able to stop."

"I know the feeling," Blaine smiled sadly again; Kurt immediately missed his happy smiles.

"He's just Finn," Kurt sighed. "Ever since I met him he's been able to make me feel like I'm the only thing that matters to him – for that one split second or the whole hours he spends with me – all his attention is on me. Everything he does and feels and thinks about is what he can do for you, what will make you smile or laugh, whether you need a smile back or a tight hug or some stupid joke that isn't even amusing, but it's just Finn. I'm powerless to him."

"Good powerless or bad powerless?" Blaine asked softly.

"Voluntary powerlessness. The phrase 'weak at the knees' comes to mind," Kurt said, smiling up at Blaine with a hint of guilt and sorry eyes.

"Good," Blaine replied simply and buried his face in Kurt's hair one more time, with a faint kiss, and made to get up.

"Where are you going?" Kurt asked, slightly panicked.

"I heard Finn come home about half an hour ago, I'm sure he's heard pretty much everything," Blaine smiled brightly for the first time since entering the Hummel house.

Kurt's heart warmed at his face, a smile only the typical behaviour of Finn Hudson could bring to someone's face. Kurt smiled just as wide, rolling his eyes and showing his teeth at the realisation.

"You should talk to him, tell him and sort things out," Blaine spoke confidently and brushed his lips across Kurt's forehead. "He's making you smile with your teeth, that's saying something Hummel."

Kurt blushed and dipped his head, only lifting it when Blaine reached the door handle. "Blaine, I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled. "I'll ring you later okay?"

"Thank you."

And they both knew it wasn't just for Blaine promising to ring later.

* * *

><p><p>

Kurt didn't leave his room all night, Carole brought him some Taco's even though he didn't touch them he thanked her anyway. Burt checked in a few times, obviously hearing from Finn what had gone down. Blaine rang, as promised, and conversation flowed freely as if the whole afternoon hadn't happened. Kurt smiled when Carole brought him some dessert – whatever Finn had made – covered in cream. He ate the cream and left the rest.

When his bedside clock reached 00:01, Kurt shuffled out of bed – since he couldn't sleep anyway – and crept across the landing and into Finn's room. He pushed the door open as quietly as he could, hoping not to wake him but as he popped his head around the corner he saw Finn laying in his bed fiddling with Kurt's crown from prom. Kurt's heart blew up in his chest but his legs still managed to move over to Finn's bed.

Kurt snuggled under the covers, resting his head on Finn's bare chest and plucking the crown out of Finn's hands, and placing it on Finn's head. They giggled at the memory for a few seconds before Kurt took it off and chucked it to the floor, settling down in the bed – his eyes hinting for Finn to do that same. Once they were eye level with each other, Kurt stroked at Finn's flattened and damp hair.

"Hi," Kurt whispered with the biggest, happiest smile on his face and the lightest feeling in his chest.


	5. Yellow

Hello again readers! This story is finished, however, sometimes my mind seems to think differently. I watch this video and got inspired, so I give you this.  
>I must stress that it is set in the same 'verse, but just waaaay in the future! :) I may upload more things from this 'verse into this story as the 'verse <em>is<em> actually called He's Yours (not the stories)... ramble.

Enjoy the fluff!

Inspired by the uber cute video: /watch?v=ozKYshXn3eA&feature=player_embedded

* * *

><p>Kurt waited for the familiar ring of Skype to ring through the speakers of his laptop, biting his nails and tapping his foot. Finn was hardly ever on time and Kurt knew it but it still made him anxious that Finn had hurt himself or something just as terrible. Although he was bordering on 33 years of age he was still clumsy and unable to understand his lack of centre of gravity; his limbs still having their own separate brain.<p>

He sighed a breath of release as his name popped up on the screen along with the bubbly ring, Kurt answered it immediately. His stern face melted as Finn's tired and slightly pale face appeared on the screen in front of him. Finn's face lit up as soon as Kurt smiled and moved the laptop closer to him.

"Hey," Kurt said breathlessly.

"Hey cutie," Finn winked and continued to sip at his coffee.

"You ruined the moment with your cheesy greeting, go away," Kurt smirked.

"Fine."

"Finn, stop pouting," Kurt giggled and shuffled closer again. "How're you doing?"

"I'm fine, work is stressful so is being without you."

"You're still pouting, now come on – smile! You've only got one more day and then you're here for the weekend and following week."

"I can't believe they wouldn't let me take time off," Finn grumbled.

"I wouldn't want you too anyway, babe. You've worked hard with these kids, having them go through this new exam system alone would've been unfair."

"Being without you, stuck over here knowing you're upset and alone isn't fair. He's my father too," Finn mumbled, raking his hands through his hair.

"Babe, I know. It's only one more day okay, and then you're back with us," Kurt smiled sadly. "Oliver and I have something to show you."

"You have my attention," Finn smiled.

He missed his son so much, just as much as he missed Kurt. They were back home in Lima, after Burt had another heart attack, less serious that the first and the second minor one he had a few years back when Oliver was just a baby. Finn couldn't get time off work, so Kurt and Oliver flew out to look out for Carole as she went through the turmoil of Burt suffering again. They knew, all of them, deep down he didn't have much left in him. But they'd cross that bridge when it was time.

Kurt came back with Oliver in tow, running around his father to sit on the chair first. Kurt pulled out his old keyboard, that surprisingly still worked (he found out that afternoon) and set it up on the desk, pushing the laptop further back.

"Okay sweetie, off," Kurt smiled fondly down at his son, tapping him on the shoulder.

He had no shirt on, coming straight from drying off from his bath since he decided to spend the whole entire day finger painting. Kurt would tell Finn about that later, when it was just the two of them. Kurt settled back into the chair, picking Oliver up onto his lap and wrapping his arms around him

"Okay, you ready?" Kurt asked against his hair.

"Yeah, daddy, I'm ready," Oliver smiled before waving at his other father on the screen. "Hey Papa!"

"Hey buddy!" Finn smiled so brightly, Kurt almost broke down crying. They never were good at long distance stuff.

Oliver pulled one knee up to his chest, playing with the material on his pyjama pants. Kurt smiled and kissed his head, before playing the first few notes on the keyboard in front of them.

"Repeat after me okay, just like we practised," Kurt mumbled.

Kurt's voice flowed through Finn's speakers, making the air around him seem cool and calm, stilled and full of love. He couldn't help but smile at the pair of them, taking his mind back to when Oliver couldn't sleep (or wouldn't sleep) and Kurt would sing softly too him.

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you," Kurt began, softly and leading.

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you," Oliver copied, singly along, trying his best to say the word correctly and in the same tune as his father.

Kurt smiled and carried on with Oliver following his lead.

"And everything you do, and they were all yellow. I came alone, I wrote a song for you and all the things you do."

It made Finn tear and eventually cry, seeing his two men like that. He'd never taken anything for granted when it came to Kurt or Oliver – he'd learnt that during their secret relationship during junior year. He'd lived by that ever since, every fight and every kiss, every thrust and every slammed door – he would never and could never take anything they did together for granted.

Oliver stumbled on the line _"__Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful," _the tune throwing him off and the high pitch making him choke a little. Kurt smiled fondly at him buried his face in his hair as his finger's continued to play. Oliver blushed and smiled shyly at his father through the screen, until Finn put his thumbs up and smiled just as brightly as before and then Oliver giggled.

Kurt played the last note and let Oliver smile at his father and then look up at Kurt, looking incredibly proud of himself. Kurt couldn't contain himself any longer, he was so full of love and contentment and he just wanted to squeeze this little boy that came from him (and Finn's cousin) until he felt satisfied.

"Well done, baby," Kurt whispered into Oliver's ear.

Oliver giggled and Kurt just had to hold him. He wrapped his arms around Oliver's neck, framing his head and making a sweet and loving whine in his hair. Swaying him slightly and stroking his soft hair he whispered, "I love you, little man."

"Love you too daddy," Oliver smiled and giggled at the tight and warm hold.

"You're not helping, you know. I miss you two so much more now," Finn was pouting again, and even though the pixels were low Kurt could see the red rimmed eyes that looked at them through the screen.

"Sorry Papa! You're coming here tomorrow though, aren't you? Daddy, Grandmamma and me made cookies, your favourite ones – that's what daddy says."

"Mmm and daddy's always right," Kurt growled before tickling Oliver until he twisted himself out of the chair and ran to jump in the bed in protest.

"I guess I should leave you to calm down the little monster –"

"I am a little man not a monster," Oliver interrupted, still bouncing and laughing.

"I'll call you back, I promise. I need to tell you about dad," Kurt smiled sadly, even though Burt was improving incredibly.

"Yeah, okay. I love you," Finn said honestly, making Kurt smile.

"I love you too," Kurt looked over his shoulder. "Olly, come say goodnight to Papa!"

"Goodnight Papa!" Oliver flung himself off the bed and over to the desk, blowing kisses to Finn. "I love you! Sleep well!"

"Okay, Mr Hyper-Pants, bed time," Kurt smiled and picked him up. "I'll see you in a minute babe," he turned to Finn who waved happily.


End file.
